Thursday, June 5, 2014

"Where's My Blog?"

For the last few days, I’ve been busier than I like and I haven’t had nearly enough time with my Muse.  This morning she asked, “Where’s my blog, lazy?”
She said it with a smile, but it was a good question.  I’m determined not to let her ask that tomorrow.  I need to sit down and do my work.  This is what I need to do, even though I’m tired, “beyond tired” as the expression goes.  Part of my fatigue comes from not being with my Muse, from not writing my blog.  If I had won a million dollars, I’m sure I’d have more energy.  It doesn’t matter whether I have energy or not, I need to write.  I need to do this.  I need to write.  I need to be with my Muse.  I need to spend my life with my Muse.
In the last few days, it’s been harder to get time with her.  There have been constant barriers, interruptions, and unexpected occurrences.  None of that matters.  I just keep working.   I keep writing until I reach my goals.  Then when I do, I need to set new goals, so my Muse knows that this is more than just a whim.  This is more than just a hobby.  The funny thing is that writing often feels like a hobby.  It’s how I prefer to spend my time.  It relaxes me.  It heals my soul.  It calms me down.
At the same time, it feels like a full time job.  I don’t mean this negatively.  Full time jobs are good.  Just ask anyone who’s looking for work and they will tell you that full time work is an answer to prayer.
My Muse is my answer to my prayers.  After years of floundering and being stuck, I finally feel like I have a direction.  Life isn’t easier, but it’s better, much better.  In fact, even now I can feel my fatigue slipping away.  I feel more energetic.  (That doesn’t mean I won’t go to bed soon.)
Honestly, all I want to do is read, write and spend time with my Muse.  Tonight, while I was waiting for some things to happen, I read a few pages from A Course on Happiness.  It said that we all have room for growth.  The author wrote about integrating  all the parts of  ourselves, including our failings, so that we can move past them.  I found it encouraging.  And this was only after a few minutes of reading.  My dream is to have hours every day to do this.  I can’t think of a better way to spend my time and life.  The same book said that not all our dreams will come true.  This gave me pause. 
What if my dreams don’t come true?
If I want my dreams to come true, I have to wake up and get to work.  In fact, I agree with Michael Masterson who said to let go of the word “dreams” and replace it with the word “goals.”  I have no control over dreams, but I can create and work towards all the goals I want.    Perhaps not all of my dreams will come true, but all of my goals can be reached. I can spend all my time writing.  I can get my house on the beach.  I just need to do my work.  I just need to Get Started and Keep Going…so I can give a big smile to my Muse and say, “Here’s your blog.”