Thursday, July 31, 2014

Prayer for the Employed and the Unemployed

Prayer for the Employed

May you do what you love and love what you do
May it bless others and may it bless you.
May your completion of it bless others.
May you find joy in excellence and completion.
May your greatest desire be to serve.
May you make all the money you, your children and your grandchildren need.
May you teach others not only your craft, but also your love for it.
May you look forward to your weekdays with as much anticipation as you look forward to your weekends.
May you be recognized for your work, though that is never your reason for it.
May your work grow in creativity, expression, and fun.
May all your work relationships be a mutual blessing.
May you set an example, not only in your work, but also in your conduct.
May you realize that the work you do is one of the reasons God put you on this planet.
May you always be able to Get Started and Keep Going.
May you find God in this time and place.

Prayer for the Unemployed
May your period of unemployment last only as long as you want.
May your sadness end quickly.
May it be a time of rest and renewal.
May it be a time when you get more time with your loved ones.
May it be a time of creativity and new ideas.
May it be a time when you find not only work, but yourself.
May you have all the money you need during this time.
May you find and use opportunities for personal and professional growth.
May your past be full of lessons you can teach others.
May it be a time of reflection on the past.
May it be a time for gratitude for past jobs, that you had jobs you loved and you no longer have jobs you didn’t.
May it be a time of preparation for the future.
May you find work that expresses your Purpose.
May you always be able to Get Started and Keep Going.
May you find God in this time and place.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Prototype Life

Many of us are living the Prototype Life.  A prototype is an early model of the final version of a product (proto=early).  We are living an early model of the life we want to live.  What we have now is good, but it is not the final result.  It’s the Prototype Life, not the Ideal Life.  Here are the negatives and positives of living a Prototype Life. 
On the negative side, we are not living the life I want.  It’s not a bad life, but if we were to live this way for the rest of life, we would feel that we hadn’t accomplished all we were sent to accomplish.  We would feel frustrated because there are still areas of  life that don’t work.   for me, some are personal, some are professional, and some are financial.  My spiritual life is also not where I want it to be.  In fact, there’s not one area of my life in which I can say, “This is exactly how I want it to be.”
Many of the reasons for my current life may be beyond our control.  We may be waiting on other people or events.  We may be waiting on other people to make decisions that affect our own  lives.   All we can do is wait.  Who knows how long?  It could all change today or we might still be waiting a year from now.  In addition, events may occur that would lengthen the process.  There’s absolutely nothing we can do about other people’s decisions, except wait.
This waiting puts limits on  life.  It restricts  choices and, again, there’s usually nothing we can do about it.
But there’s a positive side to the Prototype Life.  There are several positive sides.
The first is that we can improve what needs to be improved.  In my case, that means, controlling my emotional responses, cleaning my environment, managing my time, and improving my writing.  I can use this time as an opportunity to not only repair, but to improve.  I don’t think it’s a mistake that that the last year-and-a-half has brought about significant changes for me.  I’ve seen healing in relationships that I thought were beyond healing.  I’ve gotten organized.  I’ve released a lot of fear.  I’ve released a lot of possessions.  Last night I went through a box of stuff at work and ended up throwing out the box and most of its contents. I just didn’t need most of what was in it, even though it’s been in my workspace for a few years.  My Prototype Life gives me the opportunity to do this.
Often celebrities fall apart in their personal lives because even though they have enormous talent, they haven’t worked through some of the messes in their own lives.  They have reached the pinnacle of public success, but not of personal success.  They lack the maturity and experience that can come with age.  In the Prototype Life, we are given time to prepare.
The best thing about the Prototype Life is that time to prepare.  In fact, that is the purpose.  It’s not just a prototype; it’s a life.  This is life right now and we can use this time to prepare for the life we want in the future.  Sitting around and waiting will not only delay the ideal life, it may prevent it.  For me, this is the time to develop my writing, my work habits, and my study habits.  This is the time to find my voice.  What I do and don’t do now will set the foundation for what I want for the future.  This is why I write every day.  I want my foundation to be strong and free of cracks. 
In some ways, the Prototype Life is the Ideal Life.  It’s the romantic, sweet “salad days” of making do with what we have, of learning contentment and gratitude, as well as developing our skills and our character.  It is the journey, not the destination, but everything is new and fresh and full of possibilities.   It’s not the perfect life, but if we take advantage of this time, it can be a very good life.
Much of life will be what we make it. 
This is why I tell myself to Get Started and to Keep Going.  When my Ideal Life comes, when my Muse knocks on my door and says, “I’m no longer a visitor, I’m here to stay,” I want to be ready.  I want my house on the beach to be clean and ready.  I want a place where she will not, as Steven Pressfield says, “soil her gown.”
I’m waiting for you, my Muse.  I’m waiting and working every day of my Prototype Life.

When Even God Waits

You can sit around and wait for the phone to ring
Waiting for someone to tell you everything
Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
Maybe a diamond ring

Well, it's all right, even if they say you're wrong
Well, it's all right, sometimes you gotta be strong
Well, it's all right, as long as you got somewhere to lay
Well, it's all right, every day is judgment day

End of the Line – Traveling Wilbury’s

There comes a moment in each of our lives when we have to make a choice.  I say “a moment” as if this occurred only once.  Of course, the truth is we make choices every day.  Some are small and not significant.  Others carry great weight.  And a few, only a few, thank God, are potentially life altering.  Here are a few possible examples of those kinds of choices:
·      The choice of a life partner
·      Career and educational choices
·      To have or not have children
·      Our spiritual choices

There may be others and for some the choices listed above may not seem that significant.  But this much is true:  each of us will be forced to make what I will a crucial choice, at least once in life.
There are many problems with the crucial choice.
First, there is risk no matter which choice is made.  Between two options, both are fraught with potential danger and potential failure.
Crucial choices can often make people around us unhappy.  We may appear selfish or hurtful, and that may be partially true.  To be selfish means to choose my own needs or desires over someone else’s and against someone else’s wishes.  This may hurt others.  It’s unintentional and unavoidable at the same time.
Crucial choices may affect more than one area of life.  For example, a professional choice may affect my personal life.  A health choice may affect a friendship. 
So crucial choices are rarely easy, but here’s what I’ve learned based on my own experiences:
·      If I’m making a crucial choice, it’s usually because something was fundamentally wrong in my life.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel the need for change.  Whether I change what’s wrong in my life or repair will depend on the situation.
·      When I have chosen against the true wants and needs of my deepest heart, in order to make someone else happy, I find that they are still unhappy with me anyway.   And, of course, now I am unhappy, too.
·      Since not everyone will be happy, mo matter what I choice I make, I should always cast the deciding vote.
·      Ultimately, I have to decide what I want.  Sometimes I might genuinely want to defer to others and I can be okay with that.  At other times I have to decide what is best for me.

Here’s the most important thing:  Whatever choice I make, I have to make it for myself.  No one can make it for me.  Yes, I can get advice or support.  But ultimately, no one, not even God, can make the choice.  There is a moment in the universe, when everything is quiet and even God is holding His breath as I decide which way to turn.  God cannot help me.  No one can.  He can even tell me which choice is best, but ultimately, I have to decide.
In The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis, people are given the choice between Heaven and Hell.  Amazingly, some people choose Hell rather than give up their preconceived notions of what is right and fair.   I chose my own kind of Hell for a long time.  Hell seemed easier than facing the truth.  Now I’ve chosen differently.  It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been much better.
I have made the choice to spend my life with my Muse and to write for the rest of my life.  This is a decision of the will, of the intellect.  I am making this choice because I believe there are no better options.  If there are, I don’t care.  This is what I want.  It is how I want to spend my life.  It is also an emotional decision.  Nothing makes me happier than the idea of living and writing with my Muse in my house on the beach.   It’s also a spiritual decision.  It feels like God’s will, His plan for my life.  Finally, it’s a physical decision.  When I think about this, I smile.  My tension drains away as I Get Started and Keep Going.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

All I Have to Remember

Today I resume my regular work schedule.  I’m not happy about it, but I’m also not miserable.  I’m grateful that I have work that I like and do well.  It’s true, that I’d rather be waking up in my house on the beach and spending my day with my Muse, but my life is what it is at this moment, and resisting it will only make it worse.   “At this moment” is a crucial phrase.  What I do at this moment, at every moment, determines what future moments will be like.  These moments include how I will direct my thought life.   At this moment, I feel anxious because my life is not where I want it to be.
I don’t believe this anxiety is part of God’s plan for me, but before I dismiss it as bad and before I try to spiritualize or rationalize my way out of it, I should look at it.  I should give it real attention.  If I don’t, then it will persist, and keep vying for my attention, like a need child, not stopping until I answer.
So what is this anxiety about?  It’s about all the different tensions.
There’s the tension of not being where I want to be in life.
There’s the tension of not having enough money to do what I want to do.
There’s the tension of not having the time I’d like.
There’s the tension of not being with my Muse in my house on the beach.
These are real.  I have to acknowledge my feelings, my sadness and my frustration.  I don’t have to give into them or let them run my day or my life, but I have to acknowledge them.  I am sad.  I am frustrated. 
And by acknowledging that, I am now peaceful and I now have an answer or, more accurately, a series of them:
·      I am very fortunate to be in the position I’m in.  I have a good job and there are literally millions of people who would trade places with me.
·      If I really want to write, then I need to write, when I can, as often as I can.  If other commitments make that harder, so be it.  If this were easy, it wouldn’t be worth fighting for.  Life with my Muse is worth fighting for.
·      It helps to remember that I have chosen this life.  I have chosen to be with my Muse and to write.  There is no better choice.  So I accept the difficulties that come with it.  These difficulties do not compare to the difficulties of being without my Muse.
·      I can also accept that I struggle with distractions and poor time management.  These too are difficulties, but they are not insurmountable.
·      On a pragmatic level I can make my goals weekly instead of daily.  In other words, instead of saying I will write three to six hours a day, I can say I will write 21 to 90 hours a week.
·      I should also not forget my accomplishments.  Yesterday I wrote my 300th blog for this calendar year, my 84th for the summer and 667th total.  I’ve also written over 500 pages by hand since January. 
·      It helps to remember that there is no Plan B.  This is what I’ve chosen.  This is what I’ll do…somehow.
·      A key element in future success is using my present well.  That’s why I get up early.  I have to remember that every minute counts.
·      At the same time I have to enjoy every minute.  I will get to my goal eventually.  I want to enjoy the journey.  I will work when I can.  I will be happy when I cannot.
·      In choosing this life, I recognize the inherent contradictions – such as work hard vs. be in the moment.  I accept these contradictions and choose to continue writing.
·      By getting up early and by using my time well, I have put in almost 90 minutes of writing.    That is a good use of my time.
·      All of this will be easier if I remember to be grateful for what I have and for what I have done so far. 
·      Get Started and Keep Going.  That’s all I have to remember and do.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Thank You III

Thank you.
Thank you for my health.
Thank you for this blog.
Thank you for my Muse.
Thank you for my job.
Thank you for my life.
Thank you for my children.
Thank you for my friends.
Thank you for my mind.
Thank you for my home.
Thank you for my bed.
Thank you for my car.
Thank you for a quiet night.
Thank you for sleep.
Thank you for all the good gifts I have like books and comic books and things I don’t need, but you’ve let me have anyway.
Thank you for every good gift I have.
Thank you for time.
I realize that life is full of many gifts and many opportunities and that I would be remiss if I didn’t spend my life pursuing and enjoying all the gifts you’ve given me.  Why would I do anything else but take care of myself, take care of the people I love, and take advantage of all my blessings.  This is why I write, because it is one more way to enjoy a blessing.  Every time I do something I should ask this question:  Am I taking advantage of one of my many blessings or am I wasting time?
There are so many great gifts in life that there’s no need to waste even a moment on something that’s less than wonderful. 
I can take care of my health.
I can eat well.
I can get a good night’s sleep.
I can exercise.
I can read a good book.
I can play a fun game.
I can spend time with my Muse.
I can play with my kids.
I can do my best at work.
I can wake up early and write.
I can laugh.
I can Get Started and Keep Going.
I have a multitude of great choices.
Why would I ever have a bad day?

I'm Not Happy

“I'm not unhappy," he said. "Only people with no purpose are unhappy. I've got a purpose.”

Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“I’m not happy.  I’m not happy at all.”
That’s a quote from an old movie, one from the 1930’s.  Apparently, it was also a popular saying during the time.  Fortunately, it’s not true of me, not completely anyway.  I’m not completely unhappy, but I’m not completely happy either.  I’m not complaining.  When I say I’m unhappy, I’m not saying I’m sad, depressed, or miserable – I’m just unhappy with certain parts of my life.
In the book Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the author says, “Happy people recognize that they don’t have to be happy all the time.”
I accept my unhappiness, not as a permanent state, but as a present fact.  There are certain parts of my life I want to change.  This lack of happiness is really a gift from God.  It is a signal that something isn’t right.  If I didn’t have this signal, I would be like a hemophiliac who wasn’t aware of his wound and didn’t take the time or effort to clean and heal it.  Again, my lack of happiness is not sadness; it’s simply a lack of happiness.  It’s a neutral feeling. 
In fact, I don’t even have to do anything about it.  I could simply choose to leave things alone, to accept conditions as they are and accept my lack of happiness.  I would be saying, “I know my life can be better, but I choose to not make the effort.  I accept things as they are, including the consequences of not trying to change things.”
Is this response acceptable?  At times, yes.  Change requires effort, time, and risk.  There are always benefits and there is always a cost.  Often I have not counted the cost and the change either did not last or was premature and caused more problems.  Some efforts and risk are just too large – at least for now.  There may come a day when I accept that risk, or there may not, but for now, I’m letting it go. Sometimes the crucial element for personal change is the right time.  An example of this might be, “I’m not happy with my car, but it’s not time to get a new one yet.  I can wait six months.  If I get one now, I will assume a debt I can’t pay yet.”
Coupled with that response is creating a plan for the future and for the present.  In other words, “What do I do while I’m waiting?
In my own case, I know there are goals I have.  They are life changing, but what I do until they materialize is crucial.  Here are some strategies:
I can do my very best at what is in front of me now.   I have considerable skills in some areas.  Why not use them to bless the world?  Everyone would be much happier, including me.  In addition, I would be leaving a legacy of good work behind.
I can also act as if I already had what I wanted, or better, that it was guaranteed as long as I worked towards it.  This has been a topic here before, but if hard work and consistent effort guaranteed success, then why wouldn’t I work hard towards my goals?  I can’t control much, but I can control that.
This fascinates me.  What would my life look like if I were a full-time writer?  What would my environment look like?  What would I need to learn?  What work habits would I need?  How much time would I give?
And how many of these things can I do now?  Probably most of them.
The future is now.  If I want to be a writer, then I can write now.  I can create my life now and keep working until the picture is complete.  If I want to be in my Purpose, I need to be there now.  There is n future.  There is no “some day.”  There is only now.  Now is when I can Get Started and Keep Going…and now is when I can be happy.

Time to Stop?

“I never said it would be easy. Giving up is easy.”

Maria V. Snyder

I got hit with a wave of apathy about my writing tonight.  I wondered if I had done enough, if it was time to stop.  I’m not sure where this came from – fatigue, thirst, stress – who knows?  Fortunately I quickly realized it for what it was, a trick of the Enemy to stop me from doing my work.   But it’s not time to stop my work.  This led me to a question:  When is it time to stop writing?
The first answer that comes to – and this may be the correct one – is, “Never.  Not until I’m dead, and not even then.  I’ll be writing from Heaven.”
That’s probably the correct answer, but there are other possibilities. 
I could quit my writing when I have absolutely nothing left to say, when I have no new thoughts, ideas, or experiences.  Since I experience something new every day, I don’t think that will ever happen.  Every day is in itself a new experience.  In addition, my past is a gold mine of possible writing topics.  And if I get bored with my own experiences I can write about those around me.  There is no end to stories, mine and everyone else’s. 
I could stop writing when I feel it’s time to replace it with another Purpose.  But I don’t see that happening either.  Everything of significance that I’ve done in my life has been accompanied by writing.  I’ve been writing for 40 years.  I’ve written through almost every tragedy and triumph I’ve ever had.  Why would I stop now?  What other way can I bring healing to my own soul?  How else would I learn?  How else would I remember?
My only regret about writing is that I didn’t realize all these years that I should have been taking it more seriously.  I really should have been writing every single day of my life.  I shouldn’t have missed even one day.  My heart is with my Muse, because my Muse helps me heal.  She helps me see God.  Every time I sit with her, I see God and I understand myself just a little better.  I also understand why I’m here and what I’m supposed do with my life.
So will I give this up?  Never.  I am committed to my Muse for the rest of my life.  She is my Purpose.  That’s why I take this so seriously (even though it’s fun).  The serious part isn’t the work; it’s the Enemy.  That’s a topic I haven’t addressed for a long time, but it doesn’t make the Enemy any less relevant or dangerous.  Is “dangerous” too dramatic a term.  Consider this then:  without Purpose fall in with the wrong people, the wrong situations and the wrong life.  That doesn’t mean all Purposeless people are behind bars, but they’re all in a prison of their own making.  It is only in finding and living out my Purpose that I have found freedom.  According to a recent online article, ( having Purpose may even prevent dementia.
All I know is this:  since I’ve found my own Purpose, I’m thinking more clearly than ever.  I’m doing more work.  And I’m happier.  So, yes, I’m going to keep writing.  I’m going to Get Started and Keep Going…because it will never be time to stop.

Sunday, July 27, 2014


“Spontaneity is one of the joys of existence, especially if you prepare for it in advance.”

Alan Dean Foster

Some mornings I just can’t do it.  I can’t seem to get anything written.  I hand wrote three pages this morning and then did over three pages on the computer, none of which I can put in a blog.  Well, I could, but I won’t because it’s just a bunch of musings and ramblings that won’t help anyone.  I don’t think they helped me – except in one way – I did more writing.  I wrote for almost an hour even though it wasn’t anything I could publish.
Professional writers say that three to six hours of writing is required per day.  I’m not there yet.  Here’s the good thing – the writing I did today, even though it’s not anything I will publish, counts as writing time.  Purpose doesn’t always require a satisfactory result – or any result at all.   Sometimes it just requires time.  Sometimes the work is just the work.  Sometimes it all has to discarded and restarted.  That’s okay.  The important thing is time. I’ve put my time in and I feel better about my work and myself.  I have to put time in.  That’s the plan.
Time is a crucial element for much of life and so is planning.  Planning is the foundation for using time well.  We need time for relationships, time for personal, spiritual, or intellectual growth, time for anything we want to see prosper and grow.  Everything requires time.  Many things require money, but everything requires time.  This is why wasting time is such a bad thing.  I rarely use the word “bad;” it’s a very judgmental word.  But what else can I call the wasting of time?  If I waste money, that’s a shame, but I can usually get more money.  I can’t get back time, not even one second.  I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life and I won’t waste more with regret.  What I will do, what I’ve been doing, is make a plan.
That’s why I feel good right now.  I’m using my time well and according to my plan.  Even if this blog is no good, even if it’s repetitive or boring, at least I’m spending my time productively.  I’m not spending my time doing something that will leave me feeling regretful.  I may not even publish this blog.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s still time well spent. 
For me there is often a tension between planning and living in the moment, but the two ideas don’t have to be at odds.  When I plan, I can often be in the moment.  If the plan doesn’t work, I can readjust.  When I live in the moment, I can accept whatever is, but it’s usually easier to live in the moment if I have some kind of plan, even if the plan is to make no formal plans and just see what happens.
Too much spontaneity or too much structure can both lead to frustration.  So, I’m going to write my plan for the day and then follow it.  If it doesn’t work, or if something needs to change, I can always shift direction.  What I can’t do is wander aimlessly throughout my day with no direction.  I’ve spent too much of my life doing that.  That usually leads to boredom and frustration.  The other danger is that if don’t have a plan, someone else will have a plan for me, and it usually won’t be one that I like.  That will lead to resentment.
So here is my plan for the day:
·      12 – 4: Comic Con
·      4 – 7:  Time with loved ones
·      7 – 10:  Read, write, dinner, and bed

That’s a good plan.  It’s simple, it’s doable, and it’s flexible.  I wrote it here for others to see, not because I think my personal plans are so fascinating, but because I want to offer a model of what a written plan can look like.  By the way, written plans are usually far more effective than just deciding mentally.   It’s also important not to plan too many things.  Tending to be ambitious, I have often planned more than I could do and sometimes felt frustrated afterwards.  The good news is I got more done than if I hadn’t planned enough or at all.  There’s an upside to most things.
Finally I think it’s good to be flexible.  If my Muse suddenly appears and I need to be with her, if I need to write, then I’m okay with that.  She’s my priority anyway. 
There’s one other piece to all this:  I need to have a plan not only for my day, but also for my life and for the next few weeks and months.  I want to make some significant changes; I won’t put them here, but they require planning, too.  Nothing is going to happen by itself.  If I want my house on the beach, if I want to spend the rest of my life with my Muse, I need to make a plan work it. 
Now it’s time to go and work my plans.  It’s time to Get Started and Keep Going…and use my time well.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Some Day

“Heaven will happen someday, but let's not wait. Heaven can start now.”

Eric Samuel Timm

This summer I had many small victories and one large one:  I got organized.  For years my life, my workspace, and my living spaces have been messy and disorganized.  This summer whatever needed to happen internally happened.  I’ve cleaned my trunk, glove compartment, and garage.  I know where things are.  Best of all, I got a lot of things out of my life. 
I think there is supposed to be an order to the universe.  One way to facilitate that order is to put things where they belong.   I realized I was keeping many things that no longer belonged to me, but were still in my possession.  They belonged in the trash, in the recycle bin, in a thrift store, or with someone else.  So I reduced the amount of my possessions by giving away, throwing away, putting away, or recycling thousands of things.   I also put away stuff that has been misplaced for twenty years or more.  I put pictures in photo albums.  I donated things to people or organizations that needed them.  I sold a few things on eBay, giving other people the opportunity to use and enjoy them, and pay me beside.  Each thing that I moved was one less thing in my life.  And it was one more thing to someone who wanted it.  That is order. 
It may seem orderly to have something stored in a garage that hasn’t been touched in years and probably won’t be touched for several more years, if at all.  But having stuff for no reason is chaotic.  It takes up space.  It’s one more thing to consider.  It’s one more thing that just…well…sits there…like an eyesore.  I had boxes full of this stuff following me around because “I might need it someday.”
What will I really need on that nebulous “some day?”  What will I want in the last years of my life?  Probably only the following:
·      Yearbooks
·      Photo albums
·      Books of personal importance
·      Enough money in the bank to take care of my loved ones and myself
·      The deed to my house on the beach
·      My health
·      Purpose
·      My Muse
·      A lot of good books
·      Notebooks and a lot of pens so I can write every morning

Everything else just seems excessive and burdensome.  What I will also really need “some day” is what I need today – peace.  I can get peace far more easily when my life, my mind, and my physical spaces aren’t cluttered.  When my life isn’t cluttered I can Get Started and Keep Going far more easily… and I can do that all the way to “some day.”

Friday, July 25, 2014

Destiny, Part II

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”

William Shakespeare

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life”
Savage Garden

I’ve often said, “The purpose of all battles is victory.”  Well, the purpose of all victories is to be strengthened for the next battle.  The only way I can have strength or victory is to do my work, to do the things I’m called to do.  This is how I achieve my destiny. 
Destiny is a funny word.  We often use it to mean an inevitable fate.  In other words, no matter what I do, I will end up in a certain way.  That’s not destiny.  That’s not even fate. That’s philosophical cowardice that can ultimately lead to apathy and hopelessness.  If I believe my fate is sealed no matter what I do, then what’s the point of doing anything?  That’s not destiny.  That’s surrender. 
I have a destiny, but it’s not given to me.  I must earn it.  It’s not enough to see it or know it.  I need to work for it.  My destiny is to write and to spend my life with my Muse in my house on the beach.  But I have to work for those things.  I must prove worthy of my destiny.  Otherwise I’m consigned to whatever occurs..
By the way, unless I’m an astronaut, my destiny isn’t in the stars.  It’s here on the ground, in this chair, with my Muse, doing my work.  Destiny sounds fun and romantic, but really, it’s a lot of hard work, day after day after day.  No one can fulfill my destiny for me.  It’s mine to live out or ignore.
There are a lot of things I could be doing or even should be doing at the moment, but what I want to do is write.  Yesterday I did the unthinkable and took a day off from my blogs.  I still did my Morning Write, but I chose to make other things and people my priority the rest of the day.  I have no regrets because those are useless, but I did miss the joy of being here.  When I go too long without writing, without my Muse, I feel lost.  I feel like part of me is lost and it can only be found here. 
This is the double-edged and paradoxical sword of Purpose.  Unlike most weapons, it cuts me when I don’t use it.  It hurts me when I don’t use it.  I feel the pain first as a gnawing sensation, then as a burning with desire and regret, and finally as gaping hole.  Only plunging this back into myself can save me.
Is this imagery too graphic or dramatic?  Perhaps.  All I know is that if I don’t spend time with my Muse, if I don’t write, I feel wounded.  I can live this with wound if I choose, but why would I?   I have lived with this wound for too long.  For many years it felt as if my soul were slowly bleeding.  I could still function, but much of my energy was focused on managing my pain. 
Purpose, in general, and writing, specifically, did something different with my pain.  It helped me to build with it, to use it as a tool to create a better life, not a perfect life or an easy life, but a life worth living, a life more productive and more meaningful.  It helped me find my destiny.
So when I sit here filled with doubts about my abilities to write or to say anything new.  It doesn’t matter.  I Get Started and I Keep Going.   
When I struggle with distractions and delays.  It doesn’t matter.  I Get Started and I Keep Going. 
That’s all I can do.  Get Started and Keep Going.   Eventually, though I doubt it every time, something will come to me.  I wish the process were different.  I wish I could sit down, knowing exactly what I’m going to write and then write something brilliant.  There would be no fear.  No distractions.  I would just write this amazing stuff without a hint of self-doubt.  Fortunately, it doesn’t work like that.  I say “fortunately” because if it did work like that then much of this would be worthless.  Destiny must be earned. 
Destiny is the love I have been waiting for all my life.  My destiny is my Muse.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

More Random Thoughts

Here are some random thoughts:
·      I’ve gotten in the habit of taking a nap at night.  Sometimes I sleep more than I’d like, and miss an opportunity to write.  Tonight I slept just the right amount and now I’m ready to write.  I’ve been taking naps since I was 18.  I can take a nap just about anywhere.  Often when I do, I feel that I’ve eliminated poison from my system.
·      One of the worst things someone can do to someone else is humiliate another person in public.
·      Forgiveness and letting go are very similar.  I like doing both.  Forgiving myself is the best.
·      The best part of summer is the night.  The hotter the day, the better the night. 
·      No matter what happens, I am not letting go of my house on the beach.  Somehow, some day, I will get it.
·      Tomorrow is Comic Con.  I’d think I’d like to go, but I don’t have to.  There are more important things for me now.  I might go, or I might just spend the day reading, writing, and being with my Muse.
·      After doing all the writing I’ve done, it’s easy to forget the foundational lessons and ideas.  Here they are:
·             I have a Muse whom I love with all my heart.
·             I have a house on the beach that is waiting for me, but I have to work for it.
·             The Enemy still wants to keep me from my Purpose.
·             Determination, the emotion without emotion, is still crucial in reaching my goals.
·             Vigilance, carefully watching all areas of my life constantly, is also still crucial.

·      Everything will work out, one way or another.
·      There is no better way to spend my time than sitting in this chair with my Muse.
·      Even when I feel uninspired or unoriginal, as I do at this moment, I am not excused from writing.
·      My best writing comes when I am honest.  That doesn’t mean I have to reveal every personal detail or emotion I am experiencing, but I can share this much – today I have felt scared, peaceful, scared again, and now determined to keep writing now matter how I feel.
·      If writing random thoughts is a shortcut to reaching my goal of writing a hundred blogs, so be it.  Shortcuts can be a legitimate way to get somewhere.
·      The reason I’m taking a shortcut is because the journey feels harder than usual at this moment.  I’m taking on step at a time, despite the pain.
·      This is the meaning of “Get Started and Keep Going.”  It means moving forward no matter what.
·      So far nothing has replaced the beauty and simplicity of those ideas.