Wednesday, July 30, 2014

When Even God Waits

You can sit around and wait for the phone to ring
Waiting for someone to tell you everything
Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
Maybe a diamond ring

Well, it's all right, even if they say you're wrong
Well, it's all right, sometimes you gotta be strong
Well, it's all right, as long as you got somewhere to lay
Well, it's all right, every day is judgment day

End of the Line – Traveling Wilbury’s

There comes a moment in each of our lives when we have to make a choice.  I say “a moment” as if this occurred only once.  Of course, the truth is we make choices every day.  Some are small and not significant.  Others carry great weight.  And a few, only a few, thank God, are potentially life altering.  Here are a few possible examples of those kinds of choices:
·      The choice of a life partner
·      Career and educational choices
·      To have or not have children
·      Our spiritual choices

There may be others and for some the choices listed above may not seem that significant.  But this much is true:  each of us will be forced to make what I will a crucial choice, at least once in life.
There are many problems with the crucial choice.
First, there is risk no matter which choice is made.  Between two options, both are fraught with potential danger and potential failure.
Crucial choices can often make people around us unhappy.  We may appear selfish or hurtful, and that may be partially true.  To be selfish means to choose my own needs or desires over someone else’s and against someone else’s wishes.  This may hurt others.  It’s unintentional and unavoidable at the same time.
Crucial choices may affect more than one area of life.  For example, a professional choice may affect my personal life.  A health choice may affect a friendship. 
So crucial choices are rarely easy, but here’s what I’ve learned based on my own experiences:
·      If I’m making a crucial choice, it’s usually because something was fundamentally wrong in my life.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel the need for change.  Whether I change what’s wrong in my life or repair will depend on the situation.
·      When I have chosen against the true wants and needs of my deepest heart, in order to make someone else happy, I find that they are still unhappy with me anyway.   And, of course, now I am unhappy, too.
·      Since not everyone will be happy, mo matter what I choice I make, I should always cast the deciding vote.
·      Ultimately, I have to decide what I want.  Sometimes I might genuinely want to defer to others and I can be okay with that.  At other times I have to decide what is best for me.

Here’s the most important thing:  Whatever choice I make, I have to make it for myself.  No one can make it for me.  Yes, I can get advice or support.  But ultimately, no one, not even God, can make the choice.  There is a moment in the universe, when everything is quiet and even God is holding His breath as I decide which way to turn.  God cannot help me.  No one can.  He can even tell me which choice is best, but ultimately, I have to decide.
In The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis, people are given the choice between Heaven and Hell.  Amazingly, some people choose Hell rather than give up their preconceived notions of what is right and fair.   I chose my own kind of Hell for a long time.  Hell seemed easier than facing the truth.  Now I’ve chosen differently.  It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been much better.
I have made the choice to spend my life with my Muse and to write for the rest of my life.  This is a decision of the will, of the intellect.  I am making this choice because I believe there are no better options.  If there are, I don’t care.  This is what I want.  It is how I want to spend my life.  It is also an emotional decision.  Nothing makes me happier than the idea of living and writing with my Muse in my house on the beach.   It’s also a spiritual decision.  It feels like God’s will, His plan for my life.  Finally, it’s a physical decision.  When I think about this, I smile.  My tension drains away as I Get Started and Keep Going.