Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Not Afraid

“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”
Yoda – Star Wars
“To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”

Bertrand Russell

That’s all I can do.
When I feel confused.
When I feel sad.
When I feel uncertain.
When I have to wait for the answers and hope that they’re good.
Most of all, when I feel afraid
All I can do is write. 
This waiting is so hard.
The fear is worse.
But here’s the thing.
I can panic.
I can cry.
I can get angry or sad.
Or I can do my work.
What I want more than anything is for my pain to go away.
I want my fear to go away.
Maybe it will.  Maybe it won’t.
I’m going to do my work anyway.
I’m going to write.
I’m going to do my radio show.
I’m going to stay calm (at least outwardly).
When this is over – and it will be – I will want to look back and say I did the right thing.  I will want to look back and say I did my work and I did my best.  I hate the pain, but I’m still going to do my work.
More than the pain, I hate the fear.  I hate fear.  I hate how it wrecks everything for me.  I hate how it feels like a coffin.  So to shine some light in that coffin, I’m going to do my work.  t
Then I’m going to do it again…and again…and again…until the fear is lifted and the situation is resolved. 
What I’m not going to do is panic.  I’m going to do my work.
I’m Going to Get Started and Keep Going.
Because even though I’m afraid…I’m not.