Friday, July 25, 2014

Destiny, Part II

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”

William Shakespeare

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life”
Savage Garden

I’ve often said, “The purpose of all battles is victory.”  Well, the purpose of all victories is to be strengthened for the next battle.  The only way I can have strength or victory is to do my work, to do the things I’m called to do.  This is how I achieve my destiny. 
Destiny is a funny word.  We often use it to mean an inevitable fate.  In other words, no matter what I do, I will end up in a certain way.  That’s not destiny.  That’s not even fate. That’s philosophical cowardice that can ultimately lead to apathy and hopelessness.  If I believe my fate is sealed no matter what I do, then what’s the point of doing anything?  That’s not destiny.  That’s surrender. 
I have a destiny, but it’s not given to me.  I must earn it.  It’s not enough to see it or know it.  I need to work for it.  My destiny is to write and to spend my life with my Muse in my house on the beach.  But I have to work for those things.  I must prove worthy of my destiny.  Otherwise I’m consigned to whatever occurs..
By the way, unless I’m an astronaut, my destiny isn’t in the stars.  It’s here on the ground, in this chair, with my Muse, doing my work.  Destiny sounds fun and romantic, but really, it’s a lot of hard work, day after day after day.  No one can fulfill my destiny for me.  It’s mine to live out or ignore.
There are a lot of things I could be doing or even should be doing at the moment, but what I want to do is write.  Yesterday I did the unthinkable and took a day off from my blogs.  I still did my Morning Write, but I chose to make other things and people my priority the rest of the day.  I have no regrets because those are useless, but I did miss the joy of being here.  When I go too long without writing, without my Muse, I feel lost.  I feel like part of me is lost and it can only be found here. 
This is the double-edged and paradoxical sword of Purpose.  Unlike most weapons, it cuts me when I don’t use it.  It hurts me when I don’t use it.  I feel the pain first as a gnawing sensation, then as a burning with desire and regret, and finally as gaping hole.  Only plunging this back into myself can save me.
Is this imagery too graphic or dramatic?  Perhaps.  All I know is that if I don’t spend time with my Muse, if I don’t write, I feel wounded.  I can live this with wound if I choose, but why would I?   I have lived with this wound for too long.  For many years it felt as if my soul were slowly bleeding.  I could still function, but much of my energy was focused on managing my pain. 
Purpose, in general, and writing, specifically, did something different with my pain.  It helped me to build with it, to use it as a tool to create a better life, not a perfect life or an easy life, but a life worth living, a life more productive and more meaningful.  It helped me find my destiny.
So when I sit here filled with doubts about my abilities to write or to say anything new.  It doesn’t matter.  I Get Started and I Keep Going.   
When I struggle with distractions and delays.  It doesn’t matter.  I Get Started and I Keep Going. 
That’s all I can do.  Get Started and Keep Going.   Eventually, though I doubt it every time, something will come to me.  I wish the process were different.  I wish I could sit down, knowing exactly what I’m going to write and then write something brilliant.  There would be no fear.  No distractions.  I would just write this amazing stuff without a hint of self-doubt.  Fortunately, it doesn’t work like that.  I say “fortunately” because if it did work like that then much of this would be worthless.  Destiny must be earned. 
Destiny is the love I have been waiting for all my life.  My destiny is my Muse.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.