Saturday, December 14, 2013

This is Embarrassing

“Talent is a matter of quantity. Talent does not write on page, it writes three hundred.

Jules Renard

Greatness, generally speaking, is an unusual quantity of a usual quality grafted upon a common man.

William Allen White

Okay.  On with my sense of urgency.  I have no ideas what’s going to happen today, so I’m going to take this time to write.  It’s quiet and I’m alone for the moment, though I know it won’t last.  This is that spare time I’ve mentioned before.  I’ve also mentioned that spare time doesn’t really exist.  If I take this time to do something else, thinking I’ll have time to write later, inevitably something will occur to prevent that.  So I’m writing now.
The trick for me is to not let myself get distracted.  The trick is to keep writing.  I’m grateful that I have this time.  After this I can clean the place or rest or go for a walk.  But now I’m writing.  (I have to remember to go for a walk because I haven’t done that yet.  I haven’t missed a day all week and I don’t want to miss one now.)
At the moment though, I need to keep writing.  This is the hard part because I still don’t know what I’m writing about.  I’m just sitting here typing, perhaps increasing my speed, but not much else.  The trick though is to keep going as quickly as I can, as well as I can. 
Writing just got harder because my middle daughter is sick and she has the TV on.  I’m not much of a TV watcher.  Sometimes I listen to music to drown out other sounds, but right now I find myself writing despite the potential distraction.    Maybe that’s the meaning of  “No matter what” as Lisa Nichols puts it.  Even if the TV is on or my cell phone is vibrating or it’s a nice day outside or I’m tired.  I just need to keep writing.  The most frustrating thing about this is that what I’m writing at this moment is pure garbage.  I’m probably shouldn’t publish any of this.  I’m still waiting for the Muse to speak to me.  So far she’s being quiet.  Maybe she wants me to go into another room away from the noise of the TV.  Maybe she wants me to get something to eat or clean the place or do something physical.  I know that I’m not getting anything done here. 
Why is this so hard today?  Sometimes it’s just like this.   I write and write and write and I say absolutely nothing.   This is just embarrassing and frustrating.  
Maybe this is just how it works sometimes. 
Maybe the Muse is waiting longer than usual to see if I will stick this out.
Maybe everyone goes through this while pursuing his or her Purpose. 
Maybe I just show up and do my best even if my best isn’t very good at the moment.
Maybe what I’m doing will strike a chord or act as an encouragement for others who are doing their best.
Maybe quantity is more important than quality once in a great while.
Maybe in a long journey even the occasional misstep or stumble is worth something. 
Maybe I just Get Started and Keep Going even when I’m tired or distracted or worried.
I don’t always know what to write but I know how to write.  Or how I know how to let my fingers move across the keyboards.  That’s what I feel I’m doing right now.  I’m not writing anything of substance.  I’m just writing.  And in having this attitude, I’ve written about 500 pages worth of work in the last year.
So at least I’ve done something today.  I showed up and did my work.  Let time and others judge it.  I’ve done what I’ve needed to do.  Now I need to take that walk and do a radio show.
I thought this was embarrassing, but it’s fine.  The goal is just a little closer now.  I’m glad I was here.  I’m glad, despite the numerous interruptions, I got this done.  It’s not so embarrassing after all.