Monday, December 30, 2013

The Wimp


“First, consider the “hero” who is not heroic, who lacks drive, a will to attain his objective.  Let’s face it, readers aren’t interested in wimps.  They are interested in assertive characters who want something, want it badly and want it now.”

Sol Stein – On Writing


Today I have really had a hard time motivating myself to write.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe I’m just a little tired after reaching my last goal.   Maybe I thought I deserved a break.  Or maybe I’m just a wimp.  Maybe I’m just as afraid today as I was a year ago.  The challenges are new and different, but the fear is the same old thing.  It’s the same old garbage and lies and “what-if’s.”
·      What if I don’t make it as a writer?
·      What if I end up being broke or alone or unhappy?
·      What if none of my dreams come true?
·      What if…?
·      What if…?
·      What if…?
When I was a kid, I was a wimp.  Part of the reason was that I was small, but the truth was deeper than that.  I was afraid, not of physical pain, but of moving forward in life.  So I constantly took the path of least resistance.   It’s why I often didn’t study and why I avoided working hard.   Like Fyodor Karamazov, I would play the buffoon, even though I knew it was to my own disadvantage.  It was a great place in life to be if fear was the primary emotion. 
Honestly, it gets old having the same old unending worries.
“We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fishbowl
Year after year
Running after the same old ground
But have we found
The same old fears?”

Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here

Sometimes I think I need to go to take a walk and get away from me, because I can’t stand being in the same room with myself and with my same old fears.  I’m sick of being a wimp.
·      I’m sick of all of my fears.
·      I’m sick of trying to please people, especially those who can’t be pleased.
·      I’m sick of my laziness and procrastination.
·      I’m sick of self-created delays.
·      I’m sick of all forms of self-sabotage.
·      I’m sick of not reaching my goals. 
·      I’m sick of being broke.
·      I’m sick of not living near the beach.
·      I’m sick of being a wimp

So the only thing I can do to feel better is to take more action.  That’s it.  That’s my only choice.  So here is my plan.
·      I’m going to write, every day.  Without excuse, without fail.
·      I’m going to get up at 5:00 a.m. so I can write early in the morning.
·      I’m going to read something about the craft of writing every day.
·      I’m going to get to blog #500 in the next five months or sooner.

That’s all.  No bursts of enthusiasm or vows made with gritted teeth.  I just want to move forward faster.  These are the things I want. I want them badly and I want them now.  If I have to wait for them, I won’t be still while I’m waiting.  That is the way of the wimp.  It takes great energy to be lazy.  I don’t have the energy…or the time.  I only have time and energy to Get Started and to Keep Going.