“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.”
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.”
“I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.”
I need money. I’m sure that would solve everything, if I just had enough. Or would it? I don’t know why, but I’ve really had trouble getting started writing this morning. Today, after this blog and one more, I will have written 365 blogs in one year. Just writing that makes me feel good. However, I had no idea that I would experience so much resistance. And I can’t blame the devil, the government, other people, poor health or lack of money. Everything is good in my world (with the exception of some bad dreams this morning and a very disorderly place). I have everything I need for this moment and more. I have no complaints. In my blogs I’ve spent a lot of time writing about the Enemy and, as I’ve said, sometimes the Enemy is me. And I may be the reason I don’t have enough money.
Why am I my own Enemy? Am I afraid? Am I lazy? Do I not know what I should be doing?
To answer in reverse order, I know exactly what I should be doing. I should be writing. In fact, I should be writing for the next two to four hours without stopping. That much is clear. I should also be making more money, which is why I’m selling a lot of things on eBay. I should be reading The Brothers Karamazov, a book I haven’t looked at in a couple of weeks despite my commitment to read every day. I should be making lists of my tasks and objectives so that I move closer to my goal, my house near the beach. In fact, nothing should be more important than that one goal, because that one goal encompasses all my other goals.
Am I lazy? I don’t think so. But I probably don’t use my time as well as I’d like. I could have gotten a lot more done this morning than I have. I think this is why I need to write a list of tasks that I want to accomplish today. So here it is:
· Write two blogs
· Put five more things on eBay
· Spend time with my daughters
· Walk for at least 30 minutes
· Read one chapter of The Brothers Karamazov
· Read one chapter of a financial book
· Clean place
· Finish a resume
The irony is that none of that is very hard or even that time consuming. For example, if I really focused, I could write both blogs in the next hour. The walk, combined with the radio show, takes about 45-60 minutes. I’ve already done some of the eBay stuff. The resume shouldn’t take more than an hour and I’ve already started it. Time with my girls takes the most amount of time, but I can be flexible as to when that will happen. So why am I making this so hard?
That leads to the first question: Am I afraid? Yes. Yes, I am. I’m not even sure why I’m afraid. I might be afraid of failure. I’ve certainly had enough of that in my life. Ironically, in the times I’ve failed it’s almost always been because I didn’t try hard enough or not at all. Rarely have I tried and failed. There have been a few times, but, honestly, not that many. Usually failure came from not putting forth enough effort.
Am I afraid of success? I’ve never truly understood that concept. It’s said that people are afraid because it will change their relationships. For me, success would make my relationships better. I’ve had success in different areas and I’ve found it to be wonderful. My biggest fear around success is that I won’t have it again or I won’t have enough of it. In this case, by “success” I mean money in the bank. That is what I don’t have enough of. That is what I fear. My belief is that if I have enough money in the bank, then I can finance my other goals.
Yes, I know that contentment, health and happy relationships are legitimate barometers of success. I want and need those. But I truly want more money. King Solomon wrote “(M)oney is the answer for everything.” (Ecclesiastes 10:19) That’s not a verse that’s quoted very often. And I wonder if I believe it completely. Money won’t solve my spiritual crises or my relationship issues, but it might relieve my pressure so that I have time to deal with other issues.
Most people quote 1 Timothy 6:10, “The love of money is the root of all evil.” Do I love money? No, but I love making it, because every penny I make or save gets me closer to my goals. I also love the freedom it gives. My goal is not to make money. My goal is to have enough money to get my house on the beach and put my kids and grandkids through college. My goal is to be able to have the time to develop my spiritual life. My goal is to write every day. Obviously I don’t need money to do all those things; some are the results of choices I make today.
I just need to Get Started and Keep Going…and then I will make the money I need.