Friday, January 10, 2014

Working It Out


“To work it out
I let them in
All the good guys
And the bad guys
That I’ve been
All the devils that disturbed me
And the angels that defeated them
Somehow
Come together in me now.”

Paul Williams – Phantom of the Paradise


If there is anything better than sitting alone with my Muse and writing, I haven’t found it.  For some reason, I was in a bad mood tonight and I’m not even sure why.  The best thing to do about it is acknowledge it and then find a way to release it.   Writing is, for me, one of the most effective ways to release stress.    Writing is physical, spiritual, mental and emotional.  That’s why it may be the most wonderful form of expression of all.  I suppose this is true of most forms of artistic expression.  Perhaps it’s true of all forms of Purpose.  I think, however, writing is superior.  Allow me my prejudices.  Allow me, also, my moods.
It’s been a good day and even a slightly interesting one.  I made some money.  I was on TV (for about ten seconds).  I got a lot of things done early.  I even had an emotional victory of being able to accept a moment I found unpleasant.  Still I found my thoughts wandering into states of anger and annoyance.  Was I hungry?  Thirsty?  Worried?  Tired?  Who knows?  All I knew was that I wanted to be calmer.  So I created calmness.
First, I acknowledged that I was feeling irritable.  Then I decided to not focus on the possible reason.  That was just going to keep me focused on my anger.  Next I went home, put on my pajamas, put on some soft music and made a cup of tea.  Finally, I started writing.  My Muse showed up pretty quickly tonight.  Perhaps she knew the state I was in and she knew I needed her.  Perhaps she was helping me funnel my negativity into creativity.  Perhaps she was just happy to have me here.  All I know is that I’m glad to be alone with her.  She’s helping me work through all the angst and anger I had previously.  It seems to be gone.
Now I’m happy again.  I’m just happy to be here.  I really am.  This is, for me, the best place in the world to be.  I’m going to be here tomorrow morning and tomorrow night and probably every day for the rest of my life, God willing.  Writing can be a bit of a chore sometimes, but only when I don’t know what to say.  And even the cure for that is to keep writing anyway until something comes.  I sometimes wonder if writing, for me, may be the solution to everything.   More specifically I wonder if Purpose is the answer to everything.  Is there one answer to everything?  Perhaps on a general level one could say that God or love or faith is the answer to everything.  But even those manifest differently at different times.
Is there an answer to everything?  I think if there were, someone would have found it.  Or if someone had found it, it would have been misinterpreted or twisted.  Also, I tend not to trust any philosophy or person that claims to have all the answers.  But for me, being in my Purpose generally and writing specifically tends to always help me feel better. 
So that’s my answer.  It’s not my only answer.   I know I want to do more, be more and have more.  For now, however, I’m content to sit here and write.   It may not be the answer to everything, but it’s all I need for now.  I need to write, to Get Started and to Keep Going…and then write some more.