“Discipline
is wisdom and vice versa.”
“When we teach ourselves and our children discipline, we
are teaching them and ourselves how to suffer and also how to grow.”
“It
is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.”
M. Scott Peck
I have about four hours completely
to myself. In that time I want to
do the following:
·
Write
·
Study
·
Eat breakfast
·
Take a shower
·
Clean my place
In addition, I have some things I
need to do later and I’m sure that as I’m writing or studying more ideas will
occur.
With
regard to studying I want to read The Brothers Karamazov, Sol Stein on
Writing and one book on finance. (I’m in the middle of three finance
books now.) Whatever happens and
whatever I do, by 1:20 p.m. I want to be able to look back and feel happy about
how I used my time. That’s
the most important thing. And
maybe that should be my priority – feeling happy.
I’ve mentioned
this before, but I fell into great disfavor with people I was once close with
because I said, “My goal in life is to be happy.”
Without saying
anything to me, the listener became very upset with me and told several other
people what I had said. They too
were upset with me, though no one told me. I could tell something had shifted in the relationship, but
I couldn’t understand why and no one was talking. Finally one day someone told me. Two things shocked me about this incident:
1. Not
one person in the group cared enough about me to discuss this with me; and
2. Everyone
in the group immediately equated happiness with selfishness and they assumed I
was going to start acting selfishly and hurtfully.
I’ve shared this
story and I’ve shared my beliefs on happiness in other blogs, (http://robertf71.blogspot.com/2013/11/happiness-and-love.html),
but I will reiterate. Happiness,
true happiness, is a noble and worthy goal, because the thing that makes most
people happy requires love. When I
am happy, it comes from being in sync with someone I love, or doing something I
love. Happiness is not
selfish. I’ve been selfish and
I’ve been happy and I know the difference.
Once I spent the
day at a comic convention.
Normally I love comic cons, but on this particular day, I had made a
choice to make that a priority over helping someone else who needed my help. So the whole time I was at the comic
con, I was miserable. I had made a
bad choice. In addition,
there was a weird energy about me that created more pain. Someone stole a bag of merchandise I
had just paid $70 for. Then
when I was attempting to purchase something else for $20 with a check, the
saleswoman, while glaring at me, said to her coworker in a very loud voice,
“Don’t take a check from this guy!
You don’t know who he is!
He could be anybody!”
Needless to say, I
wasn’t able to make the purchase.
I don’t like to
use the term “the universe,” because I don’t believe the universe is a sentient
creative being, but rather a creation.
However, in this case I will use the term to describe how I felt that
day.
It was as if the
universe knew how unhappy I was about my selfishness and chose to put other
selfish and unhappy people around me to keep me company.
I don’t think God
was punishing me for my choice, but He wasn’t exactly blessing that day
either. It was a bad day because
of a bad choice. Sometimes we make
bad choices and we hurt others.
Sometimes,
however, we make good choices and we still hurt others. What then are the criteria for an
unselfish choice?
If I am choosing
for the ultimate good for others or myself, then my choice is probably a good
one. The ultimate good may not
always be the easiest or the most convenient. It may even be painful. For example, if a child tells a parent she doesn’t want the
parent to go to work, an ultimate good would be to go so that the parent can
provide and demonstrate the value of honoring commitments. This is not convenient and it may even
hurt both parent and child.
However, if I let the child know that I am suffering too, then this is
an act of love because we share that suffering. Just to make this more complicated, there might be times
when the most loving thing would be to stay home and spend time with the child.
Self-care and care
for others are not selfish, because they require discipline. M. Scott Peck says in The Road Less
Traveled that discipline is a hallmark of
love. There are four aspects to
discipline;
•
Delaying gratification: Sacrificing present comfort for future
gains.
•
Acceptance of responsibility: Accepting responsibility for
one's own decisions.
•
Dedication to truth: Honesty, both in word and deed.
•
Balancing: Handling conflicting requirements.
Here are ways I
can practice self-discipline.
·
Exercise
·
Taking care of my health
·
Writing every day, and usually two times per day
·
Saving money
·
Studying
·
Smiling
·
Monitoring my thoughts and judgments
·
Using my time well
·
Working on things that are meaningful
·
Putting aside my work to be with people I love
These choices can
be inconvenient. Honestly, on a
day like today when I have no commitments, I’d love to spend the whole morning
reading comic books or going back to bed, instead of writing or studying. Both selfishness and
self-discipline have rewards. When
I am selfish, I have immediate gratification, but it’s tainted and a little (or
very) unpleasant, like eating stale candy. However, I am rewarded twice when I discipline
myself. I am rewarded after I have
completed a task or commitment with a sense of relief for having the task
done. Then, as I habitually make
similar choices, I am rewarded with a sense of accomplishment. Today I was looking at the list of
blogs I’ve written. I’ve written
almost 400! That amazes me and
tells me I am capable of doing great things.
To do great
things, however, requires constant
self-discipline. I cannot
emphasize the word “constant” enough. Self-discipline is a daily battle, sometimes even an
hourly one. In the end, however,
all I have are choices, and my life, at this very moment, good and bad, is the
result or the consequence of all the choices I have made.
So today, I’ve mad
the choice to Get Started and Keep Going.
I can look back on the last hour and say I’m happy with how I’ve spent
it.
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