I want to write a blog. I really do. I have a lot to do, but I want to do this because it means something to me. It’s important that I don’t quit. I don’t need to write a lot, but I need to write something, even if it’s quick and short. This doesn’t have to take a long time. It just needs to be done. I feel almost compelled to do this, as if a greater force were guiding me.
Is that pretentious? Perhaps. Is it possible that I am still hurting from a recent defeat and that I’m trying to channel my pain into productivity? Perhaps. But that’s better than channeling it into self-pity. I won’t deny that I took a huge hit. What it has done is stirred up fears that I will never be successful, that I will never see my dreams come true.
And yet… And yet…
Steven Pressfield says,
“Evolution has programmed us to feel rejection in our guts. This is how the tribe enforced obedience, by wielding the threat of expulsion. Fear of rejection isn't just psychological; it’s biological. It’s in our cells.”
So my defeat, my rejection, hurts on a pretty deep level. It brings up fears I’d rather not face, fears of the lack of success, the lack of money, the lack of God’s favor. I’m reminded of my age and my personal failures and of all my other defeats and rejections.
And this is exactly what the Enemy wants. It wants me to think about all those fears and all my mistakes and setbacks and humiliations. It doesn’t want me to think of the following reminders:
· I’ve survived worse.
· Others have survived far worse.
· I can use this to strengthen my character.
· I can use this to strengthen my work.
· My defeat came as a result of doing my best and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. For that reason alone, it’s not a defeat.
· I still have a body of work behind me.
· I still have a body of work ahead of me.
· Pain can be a great motivator. I don’t look for it, but when it comes, I will definitely use it to fuel my work.
· A setback isn’t a surrender. It’s just a setback.
· I still have my health, my car, my job and people who love me.
· Despite how things feel, my setback is for my ultimate good. Even if it wasn’t meant that way, I will make it so.
That’s all for now. There are other obligations. I need to Get Started and Keep Going…because I’m not defeated.