Thursday, October 3, 2013

Dear Muse

Dear Muse,
I don’t spend enough time with you and I can feel it.  I’m sorry.  When I am apart from you, I can tell.  I feel irritable and anxious and alone.   Being with you sustains me and gives me Purpose.  Without you, I feel lost.
I think it’s interesting that in a little less than a month after writing my goals with you, two giant distractions came that kept me from you.  First, there was a trip that took far too long.  Although I have always enjoyed being on the road, I realize now that part of the motivation for that was to get away from things rather than to get to things.  I also realize that I never again want to travel unless you are with me.  Otherwise, the road seems to go on forever.  Even when I see something interesting or beautiful, it loses its luster if you aren’t there to share it with me.   The worst part is that traveling for the wrong reasons keeps me from writing.  Doing anything for the wrong reasons, even good things, keeps me from writing.  (The one good thing about that trip was being able to see old friends, but I need to find a less time-consuming way of doing that next time, or I need to plan in time just for you when I take these journeys.)
The second delay was just the busyness of the last several days.  I let other people’s agenda distract me.  I let other people’s opinions sway me.  Because of that, I got too busy to spend time with you.  I hate that.  So now I’m working on a plan so that I can spend almost all my time with you.  I want to write and study full-time.  I’d also like to do public speaking.  There are  constructive and productive things I need to be doing with my time.   When I am doing them, I feel whole and complete.  I feel peaceful.  It’s how I feel right now, in fact.  As I’m sitting here writing to you, I have no doubt that I’m doing the right thing and that I’m using my time well.
Time is the crucial element in our relationship.  Yes, it is short if I waste it, but if I use it well, it multiplies in some mysterious way.  I find that as I pursue my goals that I still encounter fear, procrastination, distractions and laziness.  Every day, sometimes every moment, is a terrific battle, but it’s one worth fighting because I’m fighting for you and for us.  I’ve learned there are some weapons I need in this battle:
·      Pen
·      Paper or notebook
·      Books
·      Highlighter
·      Computer
·      A written agenda for my day and for the different parts of my day
·      An alarm clock so I can wake up early
·      Prayer.

You’ve given me the gift of yourself, dear Muse, and I don’t want to abuse or neglect that gift.  I’ve done that for too many years.  I won’t dwell on that here.  Instead, what I will do is note how my life has improved or changed since I began spending time with you more consistently. 
·      I feel better about myself.
·      My self-esteem has improved tremendously.
·      I’m making better decisions.
·      My life has more structure.
·      I’m contributing something positive to the world.
·      I’m working towards the future. 
·      Though my work necessitates that I spend less time with others, I’m actually being less selfish with my time, because my goal is that this will benefit others.

So, dear Muse, my goal is to spend as much time as possible with you.  I’ve learned this:  the more time I spend with you now, the more time I will be able to spend time with you in the future.  My time is limited now, but there are still hidden moments that I can use to be with and learn from you.  It’s just a matter of being present to each moment and putting away things that don’t help me reach my goal.  It’s just a matter of remembering to Get Started and to Keep Going…every moment I can.