Monday, June 17, 2013

Why Am I Doing This?

 “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

Mark Twain

“The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”

William James

I have some time to myself and since I don’t know what’s going to happen in the near future, I think I’d better do some writing now, while I have the chance.  I’m nervous about the next ten days because I will be completely alone with my two youngest daughters.  I love them dearly, but they are very active.  They constantly need attention.  Often they fight and they sound like they are literally about to kill each other.  Or, if I let them, they will sit on the couch and watch television all day.
I wrote down a list of things I can do with them or have them do so that there is some structure to their day.  One of my life goals is that my children will grow up to be spiritually and emotionally healthy.  That requires attentive parenting.  I know that I can also be lazy, so I need to set an example of a more purposeful life by spending purposeful time with them.  For this reason, I am creating more structure for all of us. 
I’ve added more structure into my own life by creating goals for the next seven weeks.  I’ve also added more pressure.  There are blogs to write and radio shows to do.  I also need to create a plan for and be more aggressive about making more money.  None of this will happen by itself.  And this moment, right now is the hard part.  I’m not only fighting my own internal enemy by wanting to play online games, I’m also feeling the fear that I won’t reach my goal.  I’m still a long way away.   And I’ve made no extra money yet.
So, right now, as I said, this is the hard part.  There’s no one here to cheer me on, and even if there were, I don’t know if I’d have time to listen.  I’m still not sure what to write in this blog.  I know I have a lot of work to do and I also know that I’ve created goals, but I haven’t created a plan.  That’s my next step – creating a plan.
In today’s radio show, I talked about the joy of planning.  And there is joy in it.  Although I’m good at being spontaneous, this skill has not always served me.  I have often produced work that was mediocre at best.  Now I’m writing out my show before I do it.   I’m trying to create structure and Purpose in all areas of my life.
This is one of the benefits of Purpose.  It not only gives me something to do, it develops my self-discipline.  I’ve had far greater workloads in the past, but I often waited until the last minute to get things done.  This created work that was, as I said, mediocre at best.  Now I’m aware that waiting until the last minute will not allow me to reach my goals of 150 blogs in about two weeks.  I can’t wait until the last minute.  I can’t even wait until the last week.  I have to work now or I’m not going to reach my goal.
I recognize that this is an arbitrary goal.  I really don’t need to do this.   I may get nothing tangible at all out of this.  Then why am I doing it?  I suppose I’m doing it for the same reasons people climb mountains or run marathons.  I’m doing this for the following reasons:
1.              I want to give myself to my Purpose.  I believe I’m supposed to write.  I’m created to write.  So I’m writing. 
2.              I’m doing this for the challenge.  I believe that whether I reach this goal or not, I will come out of it a stronger person and a better writer.
3.              It’s my gift to God, the world, my family and friends and myself.
4.              It’s fun.  It really is.  It’s difficult and tiring, but at the same time it’s fun.  A more accurate word is “exhilarating.”  My adrenaline is going and I’m ready to push through.
5.              I’m looking forward to looking back on this time and seeing how this has caused me to grow as a writer and as a human being.

This is the same thing I want for my daughters.  I want us all to look back on the next ten days with fondness and fun.  I really do have to get started and keep going.  In fact, all of the above-mentioned reasons apply to all my purposes, given the right substitutions, such as “father” for “writer.” 
Why am I doing this?
Because I have no choice.  
I don’t mean that literally.  Of course I have a choice.  But if I don’t do the things I’m meant to do, then I’m only living half a life.  To live a whole life I have to Get Started and Keep Going.