Thursday, June 20, 2013

Purpose as Therapy

Sometimes I just don’t know what’s going on.  Sometimes I just don’t understand why things happen.  Sometimes I just try to get through each moment, just each moment, one moment at a time, without being sure if I can.  Sometimes life is just too hard, too confusing, too frustrating, and too cruel.  Sometimes the darkness is not just a tunnel.  Tunnels have a light at the end.  Sometimes the darkness is like a tomb.
I hate feeling that way.  The worst part of it, the scariest part of it, is the fear of feeling that way for the rest of my life, that it will be the time that the pain won’t go away, that I will never laugh again or have a genuine smile.  In those moments I feel incredibly confused and alone and I don’t know what’s going on.
So I write.  This is one of the benefits of Purpose.  It’s therapeutic.  It makes me feel better.  It doesn’t end my problems, but it makes them less overwhelming.   Here, in Purpose, for me specifically in writing, I can take my fear, sadness, anger, loss, or any kind of emotional pain and I can transform it into something that benefits the world.
There are a few ways to deal with pain:
1.              I can ignore it.  Or I can pretend to ignore it.  But that usually creates emotional or physical health problems. 
2.              I can take it out on others.  I can be cruel, mean or inconsiderate.  I can become self-absorbed and selfish. I can allow myself to be full of rage, anxiety, sadness, or hatred.
3.              I can take it out on myself.  I can medicate it with drugs, alcohol, suicide or other illegitimate means.  I can also spend money or fill my life with material things I don’t really want or need.
4.              I can talk endlessly about my pain to as many people as possible, thereby allowing it to continue and thrive.
5.              I can turn my pain into Purpose. I’ve complained about the Muse before, but one thing she always does is listen.  She will listen, but the she listens by saying, “Get into your Purpose.  Do what I tell you to do.  Write what I tell you to write.  We will use this pain to make the world a better place.”  Who else can do that?

So that’s what I do.  I write.  Very few things make me feel better.  It’s not just the distraction it offers; it’s also knowing that I can create something good out of pain.  I don’t know if there’s a purpose to pain, but if there is, that’s it: to use it in a way that alleviates it for others and myself.
            That’s what therapy does when it’s successful.  It helps alleviate pain.  It makes the world a better place. 
And that’s what I’m trying to do.  I’m trying to make the world a better place.
That’s all I can do – try to make the world a better place.
And that’s all I have to say right now, other than it’s time to Get Started and Keep Going.