Sunday, June 30, 2013

A Revelation - An Epiphany


“Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say.”

Sharon O'Brien


“Writing is easy:  All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”

Gene Fowler

“We write to remember our nows later.”

Terri Guillemets




Good morning!  This is it.  Race day.  My goal is to write four blogs before midnight tonight.  Tomorrow I will write a fifth one.  Then I will have reached 150.  That’s it.  It’s not a big deal, but I’m excited and nervous.
Something has happened to me in the last six months.  Something significant.  I have realized with both alarm and clarity that writing is what I like to do more than anything else in the world. 
I’ve done teaching, career coaching, public speaking and a few other things.  Many of those things I’ve loved and done well.  But sitting here at the computer (or with my pen and journal, as the case may be), letting these words come makes me feel complete and whole and unafraid. 
I did not expect this, but being in Purpose has given me clarity.  It’s been there all along, but I’ve been afraid to say it:
What I want to do more than anything else is write.  Yes, I want to teach and speak and inspire.  I want to travel.  But writing is what I want and need to do every day.

            That was cathartic and enlightening.  I feel clear.  I feel free. I know what I want.  I know what I want, I think, for the rest of my life.
Now I have goals, for the day and for my life, but there may be obstacles ahead.  Here are the obstacles I’ve faced in the last 21 days:
·      Poor time management
·      Being easily distracted
·      Allowing others to determine my agenda
·      Allowing stress to take over
·      Things seemingly outside of my control, like being sick or technology problems
·      Being easily distracted
·      Being easily distracted
·      Being easily distracted

It helps to know the Enemy.  It helps to know that sometimes I am the Enemy.  It helps to know that I have a Friend who sticks closer than a brother and is far more powerful than the Enemy.  Today has been set up nicely for me.  I am completely alone because the rest of the family are in different places.  I have only one commitment today, to meet some friends at church.  Except for milk, there is plenty of food, so I don’t need to go shopping.  So the only things I need to do are write and use my time well.  If I don’t reach my goal, then it’s nobody’s fault but mine.
There are a couple of other obstacles:
·      Fear
·      Not knowing what to write.

The fear is so normal that I almost take it for granted.  It tells me I’m wasting my time, that no one is reading this, that no one cares if I meet my goal and that none of this will make a difference.  It also tells me I have nothing left to write, that I’ve exhausted all my creativity.  In fact, because of all this “unnecessary” effort, I’ve burnt myself out and may never write again.  Those are some of the things that fear tells me.
Now of all that, the one thing that’s true at the moment is that I don’t know what to write.  I often come here not knowing what to write. So there are two ways I deal with my writer’s block:
1.     I start writing anyway and usually an idea comes.
2.     I start writing and then I realize it’s no good.  So I start a new page and an idea comes.

Not one of the 145 blogs I’ve written so far is completely blank.  There are also no repeats.  Each one is original.  So I think this one will be original, too.  What Steven Pressfield says is true:
How many pages have I produced?  I don’t care.  Are they any good?  I don’t even think about it.  All that matters is that I’ve put in my time and hit it with all I’ve got.  All that counts is that for this day, for this session, I have overcome Resistance.

And that’s it.  That’s all I’m doing.  I’m overcoming Resistance.  I’m overcoming the Enemy.  I’m writing.  I’m writing for the following reasons:
·      I love writing.
·      I’m good at it and so I feel the obligation to share it with the world so that others may be inspired to share their gifts.
·      I made the commitment.

In the song Fields of Gold, Sting sings,
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

           
Like Sting I also have not made promises lightly and there are some I have also broken.  But not this one.  I’m keeping this commitment.  I’m going to Get Started and Keep Going…and I’m going to keep writing.