“Keep calm and carry on.”
Popular saying based on a WWII
morale-boosting poster in Great Britain
I do not feel like writing. It has been a strange day. Not horrible, just a lot of little
things have gone wrong all day.
Still, now that I’m writing I’m remembering an incident. About four years ago, I made a deal
with myself to not complain no matter what happened. Then during that time, I lost a job, got in a car crash and
had all kinds of other things go wrong.
But the funny thing was that because I had stopped complaining, I hadn’t
really noticed the things that had gone wrong. I was pretty calm most of the time.
Oh, I noticed the
facts. For example, I would tell
people that I lost a job or that my car crashed or that I was in pain because
of the car crash. I would tell
people the facts of my life, but I didn’t put any kind of judgment on the
events. I stayed positive. And it wasn’t even that hard. As long as I committed to sharing facts
instead of feelings around events, it was easy to be positive.
Then, for whatever
reason, I broke the spell. I
started complaining about things.
I don’t even know why.
Maybe I thought what I was doing was too unrealistic, too
Pollyannish. Now, I notice how
much I complain, how quick I am to slide into negativity and a lack of
gratitude. I don’t know what
happened, but I lost focus on what was good in life.
When I’m working
with job seekers who have a negative story in their past, such as being fired,
having problems with customers or coworkers, or having a bad boss, I offer
following ideas on how to “spin” the story:
1. Stay
calm.
2. Stick
to facts not feelings.
3. State
the lesson learned or the behavior changed.
I think these
principles apply to life as well as to job interviews.
First,
it helps if I stay calm. Calm is
the opposite of fear, stress and anger. When people say, “Calm down,” they are telling someone
to not be afraid, stressed out or angry.
Stress is usually a mixture of fear and anger. Half the relationship problems I have ever had were
because I did not stay calm.
When I am calm, I can handle problems with people or events with clarity
and peace.
Second, it helps
me to state facts, not feelings.
This means I take emotion and judgment out of the picture. Or if I do have a judgment about
someone or something, then I express it as my personal judgment, not a
fact. Opinions cannot be proven. Only facts can. For example, I have no way of
knowing if someone likes me or dislikes me. All I can observe are behaviors.
As a career coach,
I sometimes dealt with clients who said they wanted a job, but they wouldn’t do
what was required. I didn’t know
if they were lazy or even afraid.
It didn’t matter. All I
needed to do was mention the behaviors.
Or I needed to let the person figure it out on his or her own.
I once knew a
woman who worked at a fast-food restaurant even though she was in her mid-20’s
and was a single parent. She said
she wanted more out of life and I knew she was capable. I offered her ideas and help. She would always say, “Okay,
tomorrow.” Tomorrow never seemed
to come and I finally said, “Let me know when you’re ready.” I haven’t heard from her since. This kind of thing used to make me sad
or angry, but when I just observed the facts, I didn’t need to get upset or
judge her. I was able to let it go
and stay calm.
Finally, I have to
remember the lessons learned from past events. And the only evidence of that is changed behavior. Changed behavior is the hallmark of
wisdom and maturity. It is the
only real evidence of personal, spiritual, intellectual or professional
growth. There are a lot of people
who remember lessons but it hasn’t changed their behavior. Many of us repeat the same behaviors
for years. We know certain
behaviors are self-defeating, but we continue anyway. The reasons for this are more than I want to go into
in this blog, but I firmly believe that intellectual assent is not enough. I must do things differently to
demonstrate growth.
What does all of
this have to do with Purpose? When
I’m calm, I can be in Purpose, and when I’m in Purpose, I am calm. I also don’t let my emotions override
or distract me from Purpose. I have work to do. Finally, the more I am in Purpose and stay focused, the more
my behavior changes positively.
This creates wisdom and personal growth.
Writing these
blogs, trying to reach my goal of 150, has been a challenge and honestly, I
don’t often feel like writing.
Curiously, when I get past the feeling, when I can sit down and calmly
begin writing, I write even more than I’d planned. I’m where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to be
doing. And I always will be, as
long as I Get Started and Keep Going…and stay calm.
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