Sunday, September 22, 2013

Writing about Writing

Napoleon Hill

Thomas Carlyle

Paul J. Fleyer

Today I feel like the Enemy has been kicking my butt.  There were some nice moments, but there was also a lot of fear, rage and discouragement.  One of the nice moments I had was when I was writing in my journal.  After a while, much of my fear left me and I felt peaceful.  It was so powerful, just to be writing.  It was electric, as if electricity had shot through my heart to give me another chance at life.  I felt joy return.  Unfortunately, I lost it again, after several unexpected delays kept me from my writing.  I’m still feeling my anger over this, but at least I’m finally writing.
Being un-peaceful while trying to become peaceful is an ironic concept at best, but that’s where I was today.  I was un-peaceful because I couldn’t get to the thing that brought me peace.
Right now I’m tired and I want to sleep, even if just for a few minutes, but if I can write for just a few minutes instead, I will feel better.  Today, as I said, writing in my journal brought me such joy.  Here’s some of what I wrote (with some edits for style and accuracy):
I need to write as much and as often as I can.  This relieves my pain more effectively than almost anything else. 
            Maybe it’s the physicality of it.
            Maybe I feel like I’m actually getting something done.
            Maybe I’m building up my strength and courage.
            Maybe I need to join a writers’ group.
            Or maybe I need to just keep writing.
            Not think about writing.
Not talk about writing. 
Maybe I just need to write.

Why do I forget this?  I am not meant to be in pain.  I am meant to be in Purpose.  I am not meant to have pain or even share my pain.  I am meant to relieve the pain of others.  But first I must relieve my own pain.  And I do this through writing. 

Why did I forget this?

Indeed, why did I forget this?   Perhaps I just got too busy.  Perhaps, this is part of the growth process.  Perhaps I was more concerned about my Purpose than about the love for my Purpose.  Perhaps I was more concerned about reaching a goal than living a goal.  I don’t know.  I just know that I need to write every day, not so I can impress others or prove to myself I can do it or gain acceptance and respect.  I need to write every day because it’s what I was born to do.
I was born to do other things, too, and when I do any of those things, I feel stronger, clearer and more peaceful.  Today, after writing, I felt like I could write an entire book. 
This isn’t just about me though and it isn’t just about writing.  This is about Purpose.  This is about engaging in the things we are called to do in this life.  It’s about all of us contributing to the world and about being part of something greater than ourselves.  I feel very fortunate that I rediscovered my passion almost ten months ago, but anyone can do this…maybe not write, but everyone can do something that gives his their lives meaning.  We all have two things:
1.     A gift.
2.     A reason to express that gift.

The reason is to make the world a better place.  But that is different for each of us.  Perhaps the expression changes the whole world.  Perhaps it only changes a small part of it, but then that grows into something larger.  Either way, the expression of our gifts always changes us.  I know it has changed me.  I know I am still changing. 
This week I met a personal goal, one I’ve wanted to reach for years.  I honestly thought it was impossible, but due to some studying, I realized it was completely doable to reach and perhaps even exceed this goal.  This was a major victory for me.  It taught me that it’s possible to reach all my goals.  There’s nothing I want to do that hasn’t been done before.  In fact, all of my personal goals have been reached by hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of other people.  Perhaps all I need is some diligence, self-discipline and some action. 
Perhaps all I need is to Get Started and to Keep Going.  Perhaps that’s all I’ve ever needed.