Monday, September 9, 2013

Led Zeppelin and Purpose

It's been a long time since I rock-and-rolled
It's been a long time since I did the Stroll
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back, let me get it back
Mmm-baby, where I come from
It's been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time
Yes, it has

Led Zeppelin – Rock and Roll

And our time is flying
See the candle burning low
Is the new world rising
From the shambles of the old?

If we could just join hands

That's all it takes.

Led Zeppelin – The Rover

I haven’t speed-written a blog in a while so I think I’ll do that tonight.  What that means is that I don’t move from this chair and I don’t leave this screen until this blog is done.  Can I do it?  Or more accurately, will I do it?  We’ll see.  I know that I’m tired and I’d like to get some sleep.  But if I can do this quickly and well, then I will probably sleep better. 
Often, when I don’t want to do something, fatigue takes over.  Even my children say they’re tired if I ask them to clean their rooms.  I am, legitimately tired though.  Right now I’ve got Kashmir by Led Zeppelin to keep me motivated.  Why do I have to be motivated to do something that I love, something that is good for me?  Can’t I always be extrinsically motivated?   I wish.  The real motivation has to come from within.
What is my inner motivation?  There are a few things that keep me moving:
·      I need the creative outlet.
·      I’m afraid of stopping because then I won’t know what to do.
·      I made commitment to do 25 this month and I’ve only done 10 so far.
·      I’m hoping all my work will pay off in money and positive notice.
·      I’m afraid of stopping because I don’t want to be a             quitter.

I remember when I first started doing these blogs and how excited I was.  I shared it with a group of men and their response was not what I’d hoped.  They looked skeptical.  They said they had seen me start things before only to drop them when my enthusiasm died.  I was really hurt by that because I wanted them to celebrate it with me.  Perhaps they were right though.  I have left a lot of things unfinished. 
There are still times when I feel like I’ve accomplished very little in my life.  I often wonder why I’m not further along and why I don’t have much money.   I wonder why my books aren’t published.   Is it fear?  Bad work habits?  Not heeding other people’s wisdom?  Not being self-disciplined enough?  Not being focused enough?  Is there something seriously wrong with me?    Why have I had so many positive leads that turned out to be dead-ends?  I know I’ve worked hard, but maybe I’ve done the wrong kind of work for the wrong kinds of people. 
Am I setting up a false and impossible-to-reach standard?
Or do I just need to smell the flowers and be grateful for what I have? 
I’m not sure.  Maybe all of it is true.  I love flowers.  And I want to be further along in my life.  So here’s what I’m going to do:
·      I’m going to keep doing what’s working.  That includes reading, writing, doing my radio show and spending time with the people I love.
·      I’m going to plan out the next seven years in for the following areas of my life – personal, spiritual, financially, professionally.
·      The personal will include relationships and my health.
·      I’m going to keep the right people around me.

That’s it.  That’s all I can do.  That’s my best until I find a way to do things better.
I think the biggest problem is that I haven’t done my best throughout much of my life.  Now I’m trying to change things.  I’m trying to do better.  I need that house on the beach, more than anything I’ve ever needed or wanted, and I’m not going to get it by wishing for it. 
I need to do things differently.  If I have to blast Led Zeppelin to keep myself awake so I can finish this blog, then let the music play.  I have to keep this level of determination.  There are people I love who are counting on me.  There is a house on the beach that is waiting for me.  There is a new life waiting for me, one where I have reached my potential and realized my dreams. 
I have to Get Started and Keep Going…because it’s been a long time since I’ve rock and rolled.