Friday, August 30, 2013

The Privilege

I don’t have a lot of time or a lot of battery power.  By the end of tomorrow, I hope to reach my 200th blog.  Fortunately, this is number 199, so I should be okay, but I’ll feel better when my goal is reached.  I also don’t have a lot of battery power; I am at about 47%.  I’m in a bookstore that offers free Wi-Fi but after they did, they sealed all the outlets so that no one could plug in a computer.  So I have to work quickly or find a place with an outlet. 
I almost went to see a movie, but the $12.50 ticket price and the list of things I want to get done both discouraged me.  Perhaps I’ll see it after I get this blog done.  I’m happy to be here.  It’s a privilege to write.  Not everyone gets this or how powerful it is to do this, to write nearly every day.  Today I made a list of things I wanted to get done and this is the last thing on the list, so I’m feeling pretty good. 
The funny thing is I still face the same struggle almost every time. 
·      I still don’t know what to write about.
·      I still feel the urge to give this up.
·      I still feel embarrassed and frustrated, as if the writer’s block were my fault.
·      I still wonder if this is doing any good at all.
·      I still wonder if I’m creating additional and unneeded pressure for myself.
·      I still wonder if this will ever get easier.

Still, I keep writing.  I keep going.  It’s all I know to do sometimes.  Keep going.  Keep writing. 
The battery is now at 42%.
Despite everything, despite the struggle, I feel grateful to be in this battle.  Maybe no one but God notices, but when I sit down to do my work, something sacred happens.  Something holy happens.  I don’t mean to overstate my case or over blow its importance.  I’m probably not changing the world when I write, but I’m changing my world.  That’s all I can do.  If my writing gets noticed and hundreds or thousands or millions are encouraged by it, then my world will have gotten bigger.  But for now, all I’m responsible for is getting this done.  I can’t be responsible for the results. 
So here I sit, still trying to find my message.  I wonder if I will end up erasing most of or all of this and starting again.
One of the frustrating things about creativity is that it may be one of the few things that doesn’t get easier with practice.  It gets harder because by its nature and definition creativity is new every time, like giving birth.  Creativity and creation always, well, create something new, something different each time.  Otherwise it’s a copy, not a creation.  That’s why no two snowflakes are alike.  That’s why no two people are alike, not even twins.  And that’s why these blogs are difficult sometimes because my hope is that each one is unique, that each one has its own message.  In fact, my hope is that each individual blog would stand on its own and that each one would be a blessing to everyone who reads it. 
Maybe it doesn’t need to be difficult.  The Muse always comes through.  She just likes to keep me waiting sometimes and she likes to see me working.  So I keep writing.  Soon something will be created, something unique and beautiful, and I get to be a part of it. 
That’s why it’s a privilege to be here.  I am part of creation.  No, I’m not God, nor am I a mother giving birth.  But I’m creating something, something unique and special and something that blesses me at least.  I’m part of something that makes me happy.  I feel incredibly lucky and blessed.
To that I add, it’s a privilege to do my work.  This also makes it a responsibility.  The good news, the even better news, is that we all have access to this privilege.  We are entrusted with the responsibility.   We can all be creators.  We are already creators.  We just have to Get Started and Keep Going…and enjoy the privilege.