Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I Keep Writing II

“We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
We've only begun

Before the rising sun, we fly
So many roads to choose
We'll start out walking and learn to run
And yes, we've just begun”

Richard Carpenter – We’ve Only Just Begun

“The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.”

 Anaïs Nin

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.”

William Wordsworth

It’s interesting how often I approach my writing time with fear and trepidation.  I feel like I’m walking into a dark room with a small flashlight, but I don’t really know where I’m going.  The flashlight is this keyboard and screen and as long as I use it (them), the way will become clear.  If, however, I just sit here staring at a blank screen, then I will get nowhere.  So I just let my fingers hit the keyboard and I move forward.  Every word I type is another step into the dark room.  Eventually, I will find the curtains, open them and let in the sun and the room will be lit, giving me clarity and vision, but right now it’s just one step and one sentence at a time.
This, I think, is must be what it’s like for anyone who is in Purpose.  There’s not enough light to see where I’m going.  I don’t have all the answers.  I have a vague picture, a sense of what I want to be doing, but I don’t have many specific details.  Here is one thing I do know with regard to my Purpose:  I have to engage in it as much as and as often as possible.  In my case, that means I need to write every day.  I probably need to write a greater number of hours as well. 
Honestly, at the moment, I’m feeling discouraged, because I feel like I don’t have enough time.  My days are packed.  Thank God, I’m getting up at 5:00 a.m. or it would be impossible to get any writing done at all.  I agree with Michael Masterson that it helps to visualize things.  Here’s the picture in my head:
·    I am up every morning at 5:00 a.m.
·    I make my coffee, stretch and smile. 
·    I read the Bible and pray.
·    I begin writing.  I write for two hours without interruption.  Maybe I even write for three or four hours, like Steven Pressfield or Michael Masterson.
·    My writing and my public speaking financially support me and those I love.
·    All of this is done on my house on the beach.

That’s the picture, but at the moment, for several reasons, that house on the beach seems far away.  At the same time, it seems so close as to be almost within my physical grasp.  What makes it feel close is that I’m taking action.  The good news is that I’m doing the first three things on the list.  I’m also writing at this very moment.  I’m not writing for two or three hours, but I’m also not doing anything else with this morning time.  I’m just writing and that gives substance to my dreams. 
Now, at this point in my life, I can’t write all day or even all morning.  But I can still keep my goals in front of me.  I can ask myself, “Is this thing that I’m doing at this very moment moving me closer to any of my goals?” 
If not, then is it really something I need to be doing?  There are some things I need to do because I made the commitment to finish them.  There are also activities I am doing because they are moving me towards my goals.  I need to do more of those and more often.  At the moment, however, I still feel like I’m in that dark room and I don’t know where I’m going.  Even the dark room analogy doesn’t feel quite right.  It’s more like a dark forest.  It’s huge and it’s scary.  A dark room is a limited space.  But a dark forest is huge.
How did I get here?  I got here because I decided I wanted to make changes in my life.  I left the safety of the comfortable but unhappy familiar and I went for the longest walk of my life, a walk that has only just begun.  When I get out of this forest, my house on the beach will be waiting, but right now I’m just lost.  So I keep putting one foot in front of the other. 
I keep writing. 
That’s my answer.
I keep writing. 
It doesn’t matter if I’m scared, angry, tired or broke.  It doesn’t matter if I’m lost.  In fact, when in Purpose feelings hardly matter at all, except for the good feeling I get when I do what I’m supposed to be doing.  God gave me this ability to write, so that’s what I do.  Very little else matters.  I don’t give up.  I don’t stop.
I keep writing.
And when I’m not writing, I find ways and time so that I can do more writing. 
I keep writing. 
I Get Started.
I Keep Going.
I keep writing.