Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I Don't Feel Like It

“Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!”

Dorothy: Weren't you frightened?
Wizard of Oz: Frightened? Child, you're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe... I was petrified.”

From the movie The Wizard of Oz

It’s been a long day and a busy one, but, thanks to a good attitude, it was also a good one.  I’m using my excess energy to write a quick blog so that I’m a little closer to my monthly goal.  I like doing things when I don’t feel like doing them.  There’s power in that because it means I’m making the choices and I’m in control.  My emotions or whims are not in control; I’m in control.  That feels good.
Writing when I don’t feel like it means that I quickly move past any or all of the following obstacles:
·      Uncertainty
·      Fear
·      Confusion
·      Anger
·      Frustration
·      Fatigue
·      Hunger
·      Illness

Fortunately I’m not hungry or ill.  I’m just tired and I’m just not sure what to write about yet.  Again, it doesn’t matter.  I just need to keep writing.  Maybe this is the blog I will not publish.  Maybe I’ll delete it.  Or maybe I’ll keep writing. 
Unfortunately and ironically, I have no idea what I’m going to write about, so I’m just going to let my fingers hit the keyboard and see what happens.  Perhaps that sounds ridiculous, but that’s how it works sometimes.  I’m actually pretty tired right now, so I’d like to make this a quick blog.  I did a lot of work today and took care of a lot of people and I did it calmly and patiently.  That alone makes me happy. 
If I want to make this blog quick, I need to stay focused on writing.  Focus is still hard for me, but I can do it.  I have 16 more blogs to write, after this one, if I want to reach my goal of 25.  I’m not sure I’m going to get this one done though; I’m falling asleep.  But I’m going to keep writing anyway, even if I don’t feel like.
The feeling of not feeling like doing something is probably one of the most dangerous feelings at all.  It’s the polar opposite of determination. It’s a combination of apathy, procrastination and self-justification.  Instead of moving past my feelings as determination does, the feeling of not feeling like doing my work, it gets stuck.  It stops. 
It reminds me of the scene in The Wizard of Oz where the four principal characters, Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Lion, almost get deterred in their quest by enchanted flowers that make them fall asleep thanks to the wicked witch.  Fortunately, the good witch rescues them by providing snow that cancels out the effect of the poppies.   (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG2keYgBiZc)   But that’s what the feeling of not feeling like feels like.  I just want to fall asleep.  It’s possible that some of my fatigue is actually real, but I still want to finish my work.  I’ve written before how that when I write my blogs, sometimes the focus needs to be on quantity as much as quality.  This doesn’t mean I want to do bad work, just opposite.  What it does mean is that I want to work more quickly.  I want to get this done.
In fact, I’m almost done now.  I applied my ability to Get Started and to Keep Going.  Now it’s paying off for me.  My fatigue is still present, but not as much.  It’s replaced with the adrenaline one gets when finishing a task completely and well.  I’m happy I stuck with this. 
Every blog I do increases my self-esteem just a little more.  I’m finally becoming the man I was looking for, as a line in a Hopi poem says.  I love that line because it confirms that I am finally becoming the man I have always wanted to be, the man who has the qualities I always admired and envied in other men.  And it wasn’t that difficult to become that man.  All I had to do was sit down and write.  and then I had to do it again.   And again.  And every chance I get.  All I have to do is to Get Started and Keep Going…even when I don’t feel like it.