I’m really having a hard time writing tonight. I don’t know why. How can I get past this? I have no inspiration at the moment, just a determination to get this done. I suppose the answer is to keep writing and stop allowing distractions. Is there another way? Should I just stop for a while? Should I try a different blog topic? How can I get past this? For now I’ll keep writing.
This is what it’s like sometime. I switch back and forth from here to eBay or Facebook. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I shouldn’t leave this page until I’m 100% done with this blog. Where are you, my Muse? Why is nothing happening? Why can’t I seem to get anything intelligent down on paper. I’ve tried twice, but both efforts, while good starts, have lead nowhere.
So I keep writing. Can this be a blog? Can I write about my frustration and feelings of embarrassment that I can’t seem to produce? What’s wrong with me? Why is this so hard tonight? Have I wasted too much time? Should I be more self-disciplined? Am I a victim of Newton’s law of physics that bodies at rest tend to stay at rest and bodies in motion tend to stay in motion? Did I not have enough motion? Did I rest too much?
When does this get easier? Is this really the thing I want to do with my life? Do I really want to get up at 5:00 a.m. every morning and put words on pages? It may seem romantic, but right now this whole process is like a boxing match.
But here’s the thing…
I’m still standing.
I feel like an idiot, having wasted so much time, having given into the Enemy, having not been self-disciplined….
I’m still standing.
Well, not literally.
Literally, I’m sitting here and writing this blog. I’m writing. Even if I’ve said all this before, I’m still writing.
And to answer my question, “Yes, this is what I want to do with my life. This is how I want to contribute to the world. I want to spend my life with my Muse.”
I was once working with a client on a resume. Halfway through our meeting, she said, “I want to go home. I’m just not feeling it.”
“I’m just not feeling it,” was a popular expression that meant, “I’m not in the mood to do this. I’ll do it when I’m in a better mood, more inspired, or perhaps under more pressure and not having a choice.”
I’m not “feeling” this writing at the moment. But it doesn’t matter. I’m staying. I told the client that I wanted her to stay and finish up. I didn’t allow her to give into fear or apathy. I knew those feelings would pass. They did and we finished. They will pass here, too. I will finish. I do have a choice. I don’t have to do this. But I will.
One of the secrets to success is to do our work well, even when, especially when, we don’t feel like it. So I’m doing this as well as I can.
My Muse just let me know that she’s here, that she loves me and that she is pleased with my work. More importantly, she’s pleased with me. Maybe that’s all I needed. I needed to keep working until I heard from my Muse. How does one hear from a Muse? One hears from a Muse by working until one hears from a Muse. She was just waiting for me to stay focused for a while.
She was waiting for me to Get Started and to Keep Going. In my next blog, I will thank her publicly for always being there at the right time and in the right way. For now, my work is done. For now I’m one step closer to my house on the beach.