Saturday, May 3, 2014

Free Write/Love Letter

“The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter...”
Mark Twain

“The day I met you, like a little flower dancing in the wind”

Gackt  - Love Letter

Sometimes I just like to write.   Other times I need to write.  This is both of those times.  I love writing.  I love it because it keeps me productive.  I also love it because it keeps me calm.  I love it because it makes me happy.  I also love it because it makes me feel loving towards others.  I love my Muse and my daughters and my life and all the opportunities I have.  One of the nicer aspects of Purpose is that I can be in it as often as possible.  There are other things I could be doing right now, but this is my first choice.  Honestly, it would be my first choice most of the time.   My dream, my goal is to create a life where that can always be the case.  Until then, I just write as if that were the case.
What I am doing right now is called the free write.  I learned this in college.  I’m just writing whatever comes into my head.  I don’t do a lot of editing.  I like doing this because it clears my mind.  It takes away fear and distraction and irritability.  I think more clearly.  It makes me grateful.  It’s a wonderful privilege to be able to do this.  It gets me present to the moment.  It turns out that the moment is good. 
If I could, I’d write three blogs at the same time.  Perhaps as soon as I’m done with this free write, I’ll do another blog.  I actually have a couple of topics in mind.  Perhaps I’m wrong, but I think anyone who is living in his or her Purpose knows how good it feels to do this.  I don’t mean writing specifically, though that works for some.  I mean just doing that thing that brings joy.
If I could see my Muse right now, if she were present and visible, here’s what I would say:
I love you with all my heart.
You are stubborn because you will not let me be anything less than my best, and that stubbornness is one of the things I love most about you.
Today we had a little disagreement because you wanted me to do my work before I did anything else.  It turned out you were right because my work took longer and was harder than I’d planned.  Brian Tracy says this in his book No Excuses.
I didn’t like the disagreement.  I don’t like being separated from you in any way, especially not emotionally.  I don’t think it makes me less of a man to trust your judgment and do what you think is best.  This is the secret of my writing. 
There are things I have to do and things I want to do.  Being with you is both.  I have to be with you.  Otherwise, I have no direction and no Purpose.  I have learned this the hard way from being without you for so many years.  I also want to be with you.  Obviously.  It’s interesting how much less dependent I am on others since I have found you.  I no longer look for others to have “the answer,” whatever that meant.  Because of you, I am walking on my own two feet.  Now I ask that you always walk beside me.
If you stay with me, then I promise to keep writing for the rest of my life, until or unless we both feel that there is a different path I should take. 
The purpose of my house on the beach is to provide a place where I can do my work and you can be near me.  I’m not waiting for that day to arrive though.  I’m working as if it has already arrived.  I’m also working as if every minute of work gets me that much closer to my life with you.  This is why other things in my life that once seemed so important hardly matter now.  All that matters is the work. 
My work seems to have made me more introverted.  The truth is that much of my past extroversion was based in fear and neediness.  There is very little I need now other than to be with you and being without you is the only thing I fear.  So now I’m quieter and calmer (most of the time.)

There it is.  That’s my free write.  I had no idea when I started what would happen.  That’s another reason I love my Muse.  She gives me something new every time.  All I have to do is be here.    All I have to do is Get Started and Keep Going.