Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I Don't Care

All I can do is sit here and write.  That’s all I need to do.  I just got home from a long day and while I have the right to make a big bowl of popcorn and read some comic books, I don’t care. 
I’m going to sit here and put out one more blog, not because anyone but a handful of people (and my Muse and I) are reading it, not because I’m making any money on it, not for any reason other than I am committed to my Muse…for life.  That means I write.  And I keep working until I reach my goal, until I can hear the ocean from my back patio.  When I can, I will keep writing.  I will not stop.  This is my assignment from God.
I’m going to keep working.  I am not going to stop.  I’m going to work more, not less.  The only people I want to impress are God and my Muse.  They are who I am listening to.
Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says, “Prime the pump.”  In other words, put water down the well in order to get more water to come up.  The more you put in, the more you will get back.  And that’s why I’m writing now after a 14-hour day.  I’m putting in until I get something back, until I get the results I want and the results God wants me to reach.
That’s what Purpose is.  You show up when you can and as often as you can.  This takes careful planning and it takes recklessness, both at the same time.  The planning means I set concrete goals that are quantifiable.  For example, I might commit to reading 30 pages a day.  The recklessness comes when I bring a book with me and read every chance I get.  The recklessness comes when I get up early and stay up late to write every chance I get.  The recklessness comes when I say I don’t care.  I’m going to reach my goals, no matter what.
Have I said all this before?  I don’t care.  At least I’m writing.  At least I’m doing my work.
Am I rambling?  I don’t care.  Next time my work will be more focused.  Or maybe it won’t.  I don’t care.  I’m going to keep working anyway.
Does that sound grandiose or delusional?  I don’t care. 
If people think I’m crazy, if even I think I’m crazy, I don’t care. 
The current state of my life, my circumstances, argue for anything but the attainment of my goals.  I don’t care. 
If I have to work another two years, five years, ten years, I don’t care. 
Will I sleep only a few hours so I can be up early to write some more?  I don’t care.
Am I almost completely alone in this?  I don’t care.  My Muse is with me and as long as I make her happy that’s all that really matters to me.
That’s the one thing I have gotten so far – the love of my Muse.  How do I know this?  Because she tells me.  Every time I sit down and write, something new emerges.  This is my Muse’s way of telling me she loves me.  She gives me a new gift every time I show up.  On the very few occasions that she is silent, it doesn’t matter.  It’s painful beyond all belief, but I don’t care.  I will keep telling her I love her and I will prove it by being available every moment I can be 

I don’t care about anything else but pleasing God and my Muse, doing the work they have given me, and taking care of those I love.  That’s why I work as much as I do.    That’s why I Get Started and I Keep Going.  Because what else is worth caring about?