Waiting

“We are not born to wait. We are born to do.”

Dean Koontz – Your Heart Belongs to Me

So many of us are waiting for something.  We’re waiting for true love to arrive.  We’re waiting for our kids to go to college.  We’re waiting for Jesus to return. We’re waiting for the bus to get here.  We’re waiting for an important phone call.  We’re waiting for the perfect job.  We’re waiting to retire.  We're waiting for the house near the beach.  We’re waiting for our ship to come in.  We’re waiting.   Here then is a list of things to do to make the waiting more enjoyable:

·      Practice gratitude for all the good things in your life while waiting for better.

·      Sing.

·      Read.

·      Study

·      Pray.

·      Exercise or do something physical.

·      Help someone.

·      Work on your Purpose.

·      Clean up your place, your car or your workspace.

·      Be present in the moment.

·      Do something fun.

·      Count your blessings.

·      See a movie.

·      Bring comfort to someone who needs it.

·      Donate or sell things you no longer need.

·      Determine the goal you will have after the thing you were waiting for has arrived.

·      Act as if you already have the thing you were waiting for.

·      Get Started.

·      Keep Going.

I realize not every suggestion above may work or be relevant to every situation, but the important thing is this:  When the thing I am waiting for arrives, will I truly be ready?   Jesus said he would come like a thief in the night.  Sometimes good (and bad) things come when we least expect them.  Here are some questions to ask:

·      Am I ready?

·      Have I saved enough money?

·      Have I used my time well?

·      Have I invested in people?

·      Have I been loving and attentive?

·      Have I worked while I was waiting?

·      If the thing I am waiting for came now, would I be truly ready for it?

I once wrote, “Don’t wait for opportunity; prepare for it.”  I don’t want to spend my time waiting; I want to spend my time working and enjoying life.  Right now I am alone and if someone walked in, I would want to be caught working and writing.  There are things I’m waiting for and it’s not easy.  Waiting is rarely easy.  Being present or productive is easy though. 

So I’m not going to wait.  I’m going to pretend that the thing I’m waiting for is already here.  Or that it will never arrive.  Or, more accurately, the thing I am waiting for is waiting for me, too.  It is waiting for me to finish my work.  So that’s what I’m doing.   I’m not waiting.  I’m working. 

Courage and Waiting

“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.”

Carl Sagan

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

Ambrose Redmoon

“Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.” 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In Spike Lee’s film, Do the Right Thing, the disc jockey Mister Senor Love Daddy, played by Samuel L. Jackson would have a word of the day.  Today the word of the day for me is “courage.”    This is what I need today.  What is courage?  It’s an opposite of fear.  What is fear? 

Fear is the voice in my head that says I’m not going to reach my goal or goals.  Fear says that I will be alone for the rest of my life.  Fear says that doing these blogs is useless.  Fear says that I won’t be able to get control of the kids I’m teaching.  Fear says that I’m useless.  Fear says that I’m never going to reach any of my goals, large or small and that I’m going to die alone and forgotten, forgotten by God and by everyone. 

Fear is big.  It’s huge.  It’s as big as the monster under the bed or hiding in the closet.  It’s big and it’s not real.  It’s just a collection of thoughts.  The purpose of these thoughts is to ultimately destroy me.  Barring that, this collection of thoughts will do its best to keep me from being effective and happy.  Then it will assist me in destroying myself.

What then is courage?  It’s more than just the absence of fear.  It’s the ability to acknowledge fear and move forward anyway.  I need two kinds of courage.  I need outer to courage, to work, to stand firm, to know what I want and, most of all, to wait.  I also need inner courage to not allow fear to overtake my thoughts.  I know I’m very vulnerable to that right now.  I’m vulnerable to panic attacks and depression and discouragement.  So, every time a thought comes in that will take me to those states, I have to deal with it immediately.  I can’t give the devil even the smallest foothold in my head.

In addition being courageous, I have to wait.  This is a season of waiting.  But it has to be the right kind of waiting.  When I was younger I used to take the bus and I remember waiting, usually with other people.  All of us would look expectantly in the direction of the bus even if it was nowhere in sight.  We’d look and look and look expectantly.  That’s not the kind of waiting I want to do.  I want to prepare while I’m waiting.  I want to be the man who is ready to receive the blessings he is waiting for so expectantly.  I don’t want to stand there being anxious and irritable wondering when my blessings will arrive.  I want to be working for them.

Which is harder, courage or waiting?  They’re both hard.  Even now my thoughts are telling me that I am about to experience a long season of loneliness and emotional pain.  Even now, while I’m writing these very words, my thoughts are showing me pictures of me walking the streets alone and depressed or curled in a fetal position and crying in emotional anguish.

And they’re just thoughts.  That’s all they are.  I can tap on them or pray about them or do The Work or drink a lot of water.  I can focus on the needs of others or the tasks I have before me.  I can pray for those I love.  The Enemy in my head is huge, but it’s only in my head.

So today I keep working.  If (and God forbid it’s anything more than an “if”) all my fears do come true, if I die alone, unloved and unread, but I have made a difference every day, if I have done my best every day, then I have won. 

If I Get Started and Keep Going every day then I will have all the courage I need.  I will be able to wait, not in anxious expectation, but with joyous expectation, with hope, with accomplishment. 

This is what is expected of me.  This is what my Muse needs from me most of all.  This is what the people I love and serve need from me.  Make me a light, Lord.  Make me a light.

Holding Pattern

“Patience is power.

Patience is not an absence of action;

rather it is "timing"

it waits on the right time to act,

for the right principles

and in the right way.”

Fulton J. Sheen

I seem to be in a holding pattern, waiting for the things I want.  Here, from a previous blog http://robertf71.blogspot.com/search?q=Waiting , are some things one can do while waiting:

·            Practice gratitude for all the good things in  life while waiting for better.

·            Sing.

·            Read.

·            Study

·            Pray.

·            Exercise or do something physical.

·            Help someone.

·            Work on your Purpose.

·            Clean up your place, your car, or your workspace.

·            Be present in the moment.

·            Do something fun.

·            Count your blessings.

·            See a movie.

·            Bring comfort to someone who needs it.

·            Donate or sell things you no longer need.

·            Determine the next goal after the thing you were waiting for has arrived.

·            Act as if you already have the thing you were waiting for.

·            Get Started.

·            Keep Going.

The best thing to do while waiting is to enjoy the life I have now and make the most of it.  What I want to do is be able to look back and say, “I used my time well and that I had a good attitude.  I wasn’t resentful, but I understood that waiting is part of the process.”

This is easier said than done, but it’s not impossible.   Hopefully, the wait won’t be long, but if it is, doing these things will shorten it.

The Prototype Life

Many of us are living the Prototype Life.  A prototype is an early model of the final version of a product (proto=early).  We are living an early model of the life we want to live.  What we have now is good, but it is not the final result.  It’s the Prototype Life, not the Ideal Life.  Here are the negatives and positives of living a Prototype Life. 

On the negative side, we are not living the life I want.  It’s not a bad life, but if we were to live this way for the rest of life, we would feel that we hadn’t accomplished all we were sent to accomplish.  We would feel frustrated because there are still areas of  life that don’t work.   for me, some are personal, some are professional, and some are financial.  My spiritual life is also not where I want it to be.  In fact, there’s not one area of my life in which I can say, “This is exactly how I want it to be.”

Many of the reasons for my current life may be beyond our control.  We may be waiting on other people or events.  We may be waiting on other people to make decisions that affect our own  lives.   All we can do is wait.  Who knows how long?  It could all change today or we might still be waiting a year from now.  In addition, events may occur that would lengthen the process.  There’s absolutely nothing we can do about other people’s decisions, except wait.

This waiting puts limits on  life.  It restricts  choices and, again, there’s usually nothing we can do about it.

But there’s a positive side to the Prototype Life.  There are several positive sides.

The first is that we can improve what needs to be improved.  In my case, that means, controlling my emotional responses, cleaning my environment, managing my time, and improving my writing.  I can use this time as an opportunity to not only repair, but to improve.  I don’t think it’s a mistake that that the last year-and-a-half has brought about significant changes for me.  I’ve seen healing in relationships that I thought were beyond healing.  I’ve gotten organized.  I’ve released a lot of fear.  I’ve released a lot of possessions.  Last night I went through a box of stuff at work and ended up throwing out the box and most of its contents. I just didn’t need most of what was in it, even though it’s been in my workspace for a few years.  My Prototype Life gives me the opportunity to do this.

Often celebrities fall apart in their personal lives because even though they have enormous talent, they haven’t worked through some of the messes in their own lives.  They have reached the pinnacle of public success, but not of personal success.  They lack the maturity and experience that can come with age.  In the Prototype Life, we are given time to prepare.

The best thing about the Prototype Life is that time to prepare.  In fact, that is the purpose.  It’s not just a prototype; it’s a life.  This is life right now and we can use this time to prepare for the life we want in the future.  Sitting around and waiting will not only delay the ideal life, it may prevent it.  For me, this is the time to develop my writing, my work habits, and my study habits.  This is the time to find my voice.  What I do and don’t do now will set the foundation for what I want for the future.  This is why I write every day.  I want my foundation to be strong and free of cracks. 

In some ways, the Prototype Life is the Ideal Life.  It’s the romantic, sweet “salad days” of making do with what we have, of learning contentment and gratitude, as well as developing our skills and our character.  It is the journey, not the destination, but everything is new and fresh and full of possibilities.   It’s not the perfect life, but if we take advantage of this time, it can be a very good life.

Much of life will be what we make it. 

This is why I tell myself to Get Started and to Keep Going.  When my Ideal Life comes, when my Muse knocks on my door and says, “I’m no longer a visitor, I’m here to stay,” I want to be ready.  I want my house on the beach to be clean and ready.  I want a place where she will not, as Steven Pressfield says, “soil her gown.”

I’m waiting for you, my Muse.  I’m waiting and working every day of my Prototype Life.

Two Kinds of Waiting

“A man was being chased by a ravenous tiger.  He came to the edge of a cliff and began to climb down a hanging vine.  Then he looked down and a saw a second, equally ravenous tiger waiting at the bottom.  At that moment a mouse began to gnaw on the vine.  At that moment, something caught the man’s eye – a luscious, red strawberry growing just within his reach.  He plucked it and it and exclaimed, ‘How delicious this is!”

Right now I am the man being chased by the tigers.  There’s one behind me and there’s one ahead of me.  In addition, there’s a little mouse that’s nibbling away at all my progress.  Still, life is sweet.  I have more advantages than troubles; it’s just that troubles seem to clamor for attention more.

The nature of my troubles doesn’t really matter.  What’s fascinating is that in the last two weeks I’ve had five large personal losses in the last two weeks.  They have come with such force and rapidity, it is almost amusing.   Almost.  The last two weeks has been like one long bad day where everything seems to go wrong all on the same day.  At some point, one has to just stop and ask what’s happening.  I have felt singled out for special troubles.  The attacks are so obvious that they reek of desperation.  That doesn’t make them any less frustrating or potent, but it does make me realize there is a greater Power on my side.

There is something else that is on my side – time.  I am fortunate because in two days, two weeks, two months or two years, the problems I’m having now will be gone.   They may be replaced by new problems, but these specific problems will be gone sooner or later.  The new problems will also eventually go away.

Yes, life is a series of problems, but it’s also a series of lessons and victories. The trick is to learn the lesson and to attain the victory.  But there’s another trick as well.  That trick is to make the best use of my time as I’m waiting for this storm to pass over me. 

When I was a boy I lived in Illinois and Maryland.  We would sometimes have tornado or hurricane warnings.  To stay safe, we would sit in the hallway or in the basement waiting for the storm to pass.  It was fun and novel as a kid, but I imagine my parents were pretty scared.  The kids could play games or read books, but there wasn’t much else to do but wait until the storm passed.   One could not fight a storm.  That’s what I need to do now.  I need to wait until the storm passes.  But there are two kinds of waiting I can do – passive and active. 

To wait passively, I simply need to literally wait until the time passes.  I wait for things to change, as they inevitably do.   Sadness, loss, money troubles – eventually all of these pass one way or another.  They pass simply because of the passage of time.  Problems come and problems go, but they rarely stay.  I don’t need to fight the storm.  I just find some shelter and wait for it to pass.

Shelter takes a different form than a hallway or a basement.  Now it takes the form of prayer and trust and gratitude.  It also takes the form of experience.  I wait.  This will pass.  It won’t kill me, and if it does, then none of these troubles will matter anyway.  So I wait for them to go.

Waiting, however, must also be active.  I need to make good use of the time that I want to see pass.  There are several ways I can be actively waiting:

·   I can look for ways to directly solve my problems.

·   I can ask for prayer.

·   I can ask for help.

·   I can devise strategies to prevent myself from ever going through this again.

·   I can write out the problem and devise solutions.

·   I can study.

·   I can read.

·   I can keep moving towards my Purpose, towards my house on the beach.

There are probably more, but the point is that I can rest and I can fight.  I can acknowledge that I have troubles and be at peace, even in the midst of those troubles.  At the same time I can fight with all my might.  Being passive and being active at the same time is complementary and not contradictory.  Either way I still remember to Get Started and to Keep Going…and to give it time.

I Hate Waiting

“You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for.”

Craig Bruce

“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”

Bertrand Russell

“You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

A. A. Milne

I hate waiting.  I’m not patient with red lights or long lines or for the things I want in life. But sometimes waiting is necessary.  When I was in my early 30’s I was told about a job opportunity that would be perfect for me.  The timing was perfect because I hated the job I had at the time and I knew – absolutely knew – that this new possibility would be perfect also.  The person who told me about it said she would be leaving her position and that she would personally recommend me for the position.  I was elated.

Then things changed.  She didn’t get the job she had applied for.  I was crushed.

Then she got another job.  I was elated again.

I then began the process of applying for the position.  This was before the days of the Internet so I personally went there, resume in hand, and asked to see the person in charge.  He was available and we had a good meeting.  In my mind I saw him offering me a position on the spot.  He didn’t.  He wanted a formal interview in a week. I had to wait.  I went to the next interview, again thinking once that was over he would offer me a position on the spot.  Again, he didn’t.  More waiting.  He wanted another interview, this time with a group of other employees.  That was scheduled for a few days later.  That went well, except for one person on the interview team who clearly disliked me though I had no idea why.  (I later found out she disliked most men.)  I had two friends on the inside so I thought I had a very good chance.  I was told to call back at the end of the week.  I did.  Then I was told to call back in another week.  I did.  Then… and on and on it went.  It was like a roller coaster ride with my hopes going up and down, up and down.  (And I hate roller coasters.) 

Finally, the time came when a decision had to be made.  It was between me and one other person.  I needed to know so I could alert my present employer and he needed to tell me due to his scheduling needs.  On the day of the decision, he and I had a tense phone call in which he said, “You’re not guaranteed the position.”

So all I could do was wait.

Finally, and I don’t remember if I called him or he called me, he said, “We’ve decided to go with the other candidate.”

Though I was in shock, I asked, “Was there anything I could have done differently to have gotten the job?”

He only said, “We feel the other candidate would be a better fit.”

I had no idea what that meant, because it didn’t mean anything.  There was a more specific reason I wasn’t hired, but he didn’t want to tell me.  Perhaps he just wanted to be done with the process.  Or perhaps he didn’t want a confrontation.  Perhaps he was afraid of saying something that might trigger a lawsuit.  Whatever the reason, he wasn’t going to tell me.

Before I hung up, I asked if I could check in periodically in case anything had changed.  He said, “Sure,” and we ended the conversation.

I was devastated.  It was the only time in my life that I cried because I didn’t get a job.  What made it worse was not knowing why. Even my friends on the inside had no idea what had happened.  I felt helpless and frustrated because I didn’t know what to fix or improve.  I didn’t know what to do.

So I did the only thing I could do.  I Kept Going.  I did things in my life to make it better.  I also called the organization back a few weeks later.  And I did this about once a month, reminding them I was still available if anything should change.

Then three things happened.  I lost my present job.  I quickly got a new job, one I liked very much.  But the most important thing was that I found out why I wasn’t selected:  the person they hired had more formal education than me.  That was the reason.

So I made the decision to return to school and get a teaching credential. 

Now here’s where things get interesting:

On the week I returned to school, the organization called me.  It was on a Thursday and there was a message on the answering machine.  (This was also before cell phones were commonplace.)  I returned the call immediately, but he was gone.  I called back the next morning, Friday, and we scheduled an appointment for 4:00 that afternoon.  When I arrived, he handed me a stack of books and said, “You start on Monday.”

I worked there for seven years.  I was Teacher of the Year my first year, and the candidate they had initially selected, the one who was “a better fit” was fired after having taught only one class.

There are at least two lessons to be gleaned from this experience:

First, most hiring decisions are not final.  Eventually, a new decision will have to be made.  Someone will quit, be fired, transferred, promoted, demoted or die, and a new position will open.  And sometimes companies make the wrong decision.  In fact, within most organizations, new hiring decisions are made about every three months.

The second thing I learned is that there is a right time for everything.  Had I gotten the job I wanted when I wanted it I would not have gotten my teaching credential.  Getting my teaching credential allowed doors to open up for me for the rest of my life.   I could have had that job without a teaching credential (many of the staff did), but when the job ended, I would have had very few options.

Currently, there are things I want to see happen.  I have waited a long time for some of these things.  But I also know that timing is crucial.  I believe in a God who guides us if we allow Him.  I trust He knows the right time.  In the meantime, my job is not to sit around and wait passively.  My job is to visualize what I want and do everything I can to prepare – physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and professionally.  This is why I write every day.  This is why I try to move forward just a little every day, until I could make larger strides, until I can reach my goal. This is why I fight fear and distractions.  This is why I Get Started and Keep Going every day.  There’s something very good that is waiting for me.

Sometimes I Don't Like Myself

Some days I don’t like myself.  I make too many blunders.  I’m too needy, too fearful, too…ugh!  What then do I do?  I write.  I get back to my true self.  The need, whiney, and fearful self isn’t my true self.  My true self is the man who is sitting here doing his work.  When I am doing my work, my peace come, my true self, returns.   Here’s the other thing.  When I’m doing my work, very little else matters, especially not my blunders and fears.

Healing is one of the gifts we get when we use our gifts.  Some of us may need more healing than others.  That means some of us may need to use our gifts as much as possible, as if our lives depended upon it.  Perhaps they do. My life really does depend on my writing.  I would never kill myself.  But to have a true life, to really live and not just go through the motions, I have to write. 

It is not a coincidence that my life changed dramatically when I met my Muse. 

Steven Pressfield calls it our “work.”  “Sit down and do your work,” he says.  It’s a great admonition.  Except to me, writing is not work.  Being without writing is work.  Being without my Muse is the greatest effort in the world.  But as soon as I sit down and start writing, I feel my cares float away as the nothings they were.  I am soon without fear and without worry.  The plan is going to be fulfilled in the right time and in the right way.  I know this now and all my doubts are gone.  I just have to keep working, waiting, enjoying what I have now.  I feel so blessed.

That’s it then.  That’s one of the secrets of a fulfilling life.  Do that work which is not work.  Do that work which makes you feel refreshed.  Even when you’re in a place where you don’t quite know what’s next, or even what you’re doing now.  Just keep doing it.  Eventually, you’ll know what you’re supposed to be doing.

With regard to knowing what I’m doing I know this much:

·      Except for God, my Muse, and my loved ones, nothing is more important to me than writing. 

·      I am aware that I am in a waiting period.  But it’s not like waiting for a bus or a person.  I have to work while I’m waiting.  This is not a vacation.  The more I work, the less I have to wait.  Eventually I will reach my goal of being able to support myself with my writing.  Maybe.  But until I do, I have to keep writing.

·      Part of my waiting period involves training and honing my craft.  I train myself by reading as much as I can, particularly books about writing.  But (and this is the good news), I’m not limited to that subject or any subject or genre.  I can as much as I want and as widely as I want.  I can become a “lovecat” as TimSanders calls it in his book Love is the Killer App, and use the ideas gained from reading to bless and encourage others.

·      Another part of the waiting period involves finding my “voice.”  What kind of writer do I want to be?  Do I want to write fiction, motivational materials, sports, history, or a little of everything?   I’m leaning towards motivational and autobiographical.  But of course that leads to questions like, “What makes me so special that I should presume my life or ideas are interesting?  Who would read this?  Am I crazy?  I can barely concentrate for more than a minute at a time.  How can I help others?”  (Yes, I recognize these questions as delaying tactics of the Enemy, but that doesn’t make them any less nerve-wracking.)

It all comes down to this:  I need to keep writing.  I need to write every day.  That’s how it is for everyone who has a Purpose.  I need to do this every day.   I need to Get Started and Keep Going…even (and especially) on the days I don’t like myself.

Waiting and Working

 The last few days have been somewhat emotional.  There have been some moments of almost overwhelming fear, sadness and anger.  But there have also been moments of calm, joy and clarity.  In the last few days I have seen some relationships heal and I’ve seen uncertainty in others.  More importantly, I’ve had some revelations.

The first is that I need to take care of myself.  I need to drink more water specifically.  That will prevent anxiety attacks like the one I had recently.  Before all else, I need my mind clear.  My last attack was so bad I felt like it was going to kill me.  It didn’t.  I got prayer and then immediately after the prayer I got some good news.  Then, later, the event that triggered the attack resolved itself.

Yesterday I could feel another panic attack coming.  I’ve written in the past of how I’ve been delivered from them through prayer or tapping or breathing or focusing on the inner body or doing The Work.  But this time, I thought, “I’m sick of this!  I’m sick of fear!  I’m actually becoming embarrassed about having to constantly call someone just to get help.  I don’t want simple relief.  I want healing!  I want this to stop!”

So I went to Starbucks and got a large glass of ice water and drank like a man in the dessert.  I started calming down.  I then realized that a big part of my attacks may have been physical.  I have not been taking care of myself.  I simply don’t drink enough water. 

I don’t need relief.  I need prevention!  I’m not saying that I won’t need tapping or prayer or The Work in the future, but what I really need is to not have my fears at all.  I need to take care of my body.

I also need to take care of my mind.   One of my biggest fears is the fear of loss.  I’m afraid of all the same things everyone else is afraid of.  I’m afraid of losing friendships and love and of being alone or broke for the rest of my life.   But I don’t think any of those fears are going to be realized.  What I believe is true is that I will get what I need and want in life, but I need to do two things.  I need to wait and I need to work.

Waiting is hard.  But that’s all it is.  It’s just waiting.  I’m awaiting good things.  I’m awaiting a better future.  I’m waiting for my house on the beach most of all.  But I have to actually wait.  I have to be patient.  What makes the waiting infinitely easier is to accept it.  I can’t be like the little child in the back seat of the car who keeps impatiently repeating, “Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?”

A journey takes time.  Sometimes it takes a lot of time and sometimes it may take less than we think. Brian Tracy says everything will take more time than we think.  That may or may not be true.  I have certain calendar dates by which I hope to reach my destinations. I need calendar dates to motivate me, to stay on task and to assure completion.  I need to arrive at my destination eventually, but if things don’t happen on my timeline, I can adjust.  What I can’t do is give up.

Life is a journey.  A journey has a destination.  Without a destination a journey has not purpose. Here’s the thing:  I’m not in the driver’s seat; God is.  So I need to enjoy the ride and wait.

I need not wait passively however.  The metaphor of the journey breaks down a little here.   On a real journey, while I’m sitting in the back seat, there’s not much I can do.  I can look at the scenery or read or do puzzles or listen to music or audio books or talk to someone.  But again, I have to remember the idea of the journey is only metaphorical.  I have actual concrete goals and I need to do physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual work.  Every. Day.   I cannot sit passively in the back seat as the scenery passes me by.  I have to work.  Every.  Day. 

Every day I need to do something, several things, that move me towards my goals.  Every.  Day.  Some days I need to rest.  Rest can be part of my work.  But most days, six out of seven, I need to work.  I need to write blogs and do radio shows and save money and study.  I need to prepare for that house on the beach.  I need to be ready for the day the opportunity arrives.  There are few things worse than being unprepared for an opportunity. 

So I’m drinking water and eating well and getting sleep.  I’m taking care of my relationships and I’m taking care of myself.  I’m valuing my time and my energy, both of which are finite in quantity, but infinite in value.   I’m going to Get Started and Keep Going…while I’m waiting and working.

"A Thousand Years"

“Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone,

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer

One step closer”

Christina Perri – A Thousand Years

With A Thousand Years by Christina Perri playing in the background, I realize how short and how precious life is, every moment.  I also realize we are always at risk for losing sight of that, but at this moment, at least, I’m not.  Although today is filled with a lot to do and a lot done, it’s important to not lose sight of my goals either.  Life, true life, can be overwhelmed by the 1,000 things to do instead of the 1,000 years we can live in the short time we have here.  I want to enjoy every moment I have.  I don’t want life to be engulfed by rushing and stress, or sadness and regret, or anger and impatience.  Things come in their time.

When I was a kid there was a preview on TV for a made-for-TV movie, in which a man has cancer and he says something like, “I want to really live life and be grateful and enjoy the gift of life!”

I felt annoyed.  Why does it take a crisis to awaken us to our mortality, and our immortality?

Right now I’m waiting…and sometimes it seems like I’m waiting 1,000 years for what I want.  It’s okay. I’ll wait.  And while I wait, I’ll work.  If it takes 1,000 years then God must know that’s how much time I need in order to be ready. 

Maybe I need to learn to manage my thoughts and not let my thoughts manage me. 

Maybe I need to learn to laugh at myself and cry with others more. 

Maybe God has more that He wants to teach me. 

Maybe there are more people to help.

Maybe there are more books to read.

Maybe there are more pages to write.

Maybe it will take 1,000 years for me to become the man I am supposed to be.

I can wait.  I can wait for my Muse. I can wait for my house on the beach.  I can wait for God’s plan to unfold. I won’t die every day waiting for you.  I will live.  I will Get Started and Keep Going.

“One step closer.”