Sunday, March 1, 2015

A Little Embarrassed

It’s late and I’m tired and cold and a little bit hungry and for some reason (I’m not sure why), a little stressed.  I’m also embarrassed that I haven’t written a blog in three or four days.  I’m probably going to go to bed pretty soon.  It’s raining outside.  I can hear the rain hitting the sidewalk and I feel so grateful to be here just writing, even if it’s not a lot and even if it’s not even any good.  Pressfield says, “Is it any good?  I don’t care.”
I do care.  Maybe that’s the problem.  Maybe that’s one of the reasons I hesitate to write.  I can add, “It’s not going to be any good,” to “I don’t know what to say” and “I’m too tired/busy/sick/hungry/cold/full of excuses to write.”
But I really need to do this anyway.  I need to get past my excuses and embarrassment and anything else that starts with the letter ‘e’ or any other letter, and just write something.  I don’t know why my Muse loves me or why she selected me to do this.  There are far smarter, better-looking, more talented choices than me.  But she picked me and so I need to be here.  (And the truth is, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than in the arms of my Muse.)
Here’s the thing.  We’ve all been selected by a Muse to do something in this world.  The lucky few, the very lucky few, somehow, for no reason I can explain, have chosen to respond to that call.  And here’s the other thing:  responding to that call makes life better, but not easier.  I just want to go to bed or have my stomach feel better or read a comic book.  I’ve studied most of the day.  I deserve a break.  But, as I said, I’m embarrassed because I haven’t written a blog in three or four days.  My Muse gave me this gift, this inspiration and I don’t want to abuse it.

I’m too tired now to say much more.  But I want to Get Started and Keep Going…even if I feel a little embarrassed.