Tuesday, February 3, 2015

The Results of Doing My Work

I have only a few minutes.  Despite everything, I am not giving up on my writing.  Despite a keyboard that doesn’t type all the letters, despite time constraints, despite not having enough time with the people I love, despite physical pain, despite everything, I’m going to use the few minutes I have to get something on this screen.
At the moment the physical pain seems to be my biggest obstacle.  I just took some pain reliever so, hopefully, I’ll feel better soon.   I don’t know if I pulled a muscle or what is happening.  I just know there’s a pain in my middle left side and it’s going around to my back.  Maybe it’s just gas.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s not enough to stop me from writing, even though I may not write much and maybe I’ll even ramble.  Maybe all I’m doing is writing for myself anyway.  Maybe all this is selfish and doesn’t help anyone. 
Or maybe all this self-doubt is part of the process.  Steven Pressfield says, “If you have to ask yourself, ‘Am I really a writer?’ chances are you are.”  I’ve definitely had my doubts lately.  My writing has been less consistent (though I still write every morning).   Maybe I’ve been preoccupied with returning to school.  Maybe I haven’t used my time well.  Maybe I just have too much to do. 
Or maybe this uncertainty is all part of the process, too.  I’m here now and now is all there is.  As long as I do something, anything, every day, then I’m a writer.  I may never become rich or famous as a writer (or I may).  But here’s what I’m sure will happen:
·      I will find my voice, my message or, more accurately, God’s message to the world, through me. 
·      I will learn the plan God has for me, but only a little at a time, as it unfolds.  I won’ t get the whole picture.  This means that I have to use my time wisely now, because I don’t know if I have five more years or another fifty to live out my Purpose.
·      I will have fun doing the things I am called to do.  I will experience joy, as well as some sadness and struggle.  But overall, I will live a rich and full life because God’s plan is never boring.
·      My Muse will always be with me.  She never leaves the faithful.  She may direct you to a new and unexpected path.  She may get quiet just to make sure you’re still pursuing her, but she will never leave.  This means I will always have something new to say.
·      I will learn strength and endurance, as I am learning now, as I write while in pain.
·      I will bless others.  I may not know who.  I may never meet all the people who find this work helpful (though I’ve met a few).

And that’s it.  That’s all I can do.  All I want to do now is sleep and pray this pain lifts.  I also pray that I can get up early and write some more.  This work, whatever its results will be, is a blessing.  There’s one more thing I can add to the list. 
·      I will Get Started and Keep Going.