Self-Discipline

"The secret of success is constancy of purpose."

Benjamin Disraeli

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Aristotle

"In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves.  Self-discipline with all of them came first."

Harry S. Truman

           

I’m writing as an act of discipline.  That’s how Purpose works.  It’s not just passion or inspiration.  It’s not even enthusiasm or excitement.  At least not always.  It’s simply a commitment.  I like the idea of making commitments.  There are two important principles.  First, commit to the right things.  Second, honor that commitment.  I’ve made commitments in my life that I regretted.  Some I kept and some I broke.  I’m not looking for justification or blame.  What’s done is done.  Now, however, I only want to commit to things that align with my heart. 

I have many choices, but I’m going to choose sparingly and well.  I’m committed to my Muse.  I’m committed to writing.  I’m committed to getting my house on the beach.  Could I choose otherwise?   I could, but I don’t want to.  I want these things.  This is how I want to serve the world.  This is how I want to live out God’s plan for me.  If He has different ideas, I’m willing to change, but I don’t think He does.  This feels like His plan.  That’s why I have no trouble committing to these things. 

That doesn’t mean it’s easy though.  In is book Do It!  Let’s Get off Our Buts, Peter McWilliams says there’s a dark side to Purpose.  Perhaps there is.  Sometimes this gets lonely.  I feel doubtful about my abilities.  I often wonder if my time could be used better.  There are no guarantees.  Still, this is what I want to do.  All of my goals are things I want, and even need.  I don’t mean “need” as in, “I will die if I don’t get this,” but need as in, “My life will not feel right.  I will not have lived to my full potential, if I don’t do this.”

So I do this as an act of discipline and the discipline feels good.  Often that word is misused to mean punishment, but the two words aren’t even close, despite what the dictionary says.  Punishment is meant to hurt someone for a real or imagined offense. Discipline is meant to keep us from committing offenses in the first place.  What are those offenses?  Do I mean criminal offenses?  Perhaps.  But that’s just the final result.  Undisciplined lives don’t necessarily lead to criminal behaviors.  For me, they have led to laziness, purposelessness, or being overwhelmed by thoughts.

Only by applying discipline to my thoughts and actions have I been able to improve my outlook, my words, my behavior, and my life.  I define discipline as the constant and continuous practice of an activity or an attitude meant to cause improvement. 

The following activities can be disciplines:

·      Exercise

·      Prayer

·      Writing or any artistic practice

·      Waking up earlier

·      Going to bed earlier

·      Thinking before you speak

·      Staying calm

·      Smiling

There are probably many more and again I go with my definition.  If I practice is constantly and continuously and it improves my life, then it’s a discipline.  (It’s interesting that fields of study are also called disciplines.)

Without discipline I don’t think we can achieve much.  And the more discipline I apply, the more I get done.  I’ve done a lot of writing in the last year and a half.  I might have done a lot more had I started earlier.  It doesn’t help to regret.  Al l I can do is practice self-discipline now.  I can also be aware of how much I have accomplished in the last year and practice the discipline of gratitude and humility.  I can also Get Started and Keep Going every day…because that’s what discipline is.

The Real Purpose

“All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.”

Helen Keller

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream.”

Paulo Coelho

Today I found another facet of my Purpose.  It started because of a mistake on my part, which unintentionally offended a friend.  I felt bad, but I also felt different.  When the friend confronted me, he was (justifiably) very angry with me.  (By the way, I’m using “he,” but it could be a she.  It could even be you.)  As I said, it was unintentional and of course I apologized, but not profusely.  I said I was sorry (twice) and that I had no excuse.  This didn’t mollify him. 

Now usually when things like this happen, I’m completely distraught.  I can’t think of anything else.  Often, until it’s resolved, I can’ sleep or eat.  Depending on the situation, I am filled with fear, anger, or regret.  Sometimes conflict with others has caused me to have an emotional meltdown.  Once I cried for days, stopping only when I was working or around other people.  But this time…this time…something different happened.

First, I regretted my mistake.  I don’t mean the kind of regret that causes shame or self-loathing.  I simply wish I hadn’t made my mistake and I wish I had been more diligent.  I wish I could undo it.  I wish I had been more careful, more considerate, and had planned better.

Second, and this is different from the first, I felt bad for hurting the other person.  I felt bad for causing suffering and pain, even if I did so unintentionally.  I caused another person to feel anger, pain, and rejection, and I’m sorry I did that.

Third, I acknowledged my mistake.  Now, this is the interesting part.  Usually when something like this occurs, I blame, defend, accuse or attack the other person.  I make all kinds of excuses.  This time I did it differently.  I presented the facts.  I explained exactly what happened, the facts, and my part in it.  I apologized.  None of this made my friend any less angry. 

Fourth, I let it go.  I did all I could do up to that point.  Perhaps a way to make amends will occur to me, but for now I let it go.  I decided not to hold on to regret, fear, or anger (sometimes my friend has wronged me, too).  I simply let the emotional reactions go. I will pray that he can forgive and be at peace, not for my sake, but for his.  I will pray that my friend no longer suffers from my mistake. There’s already too much suffering in the world. 

As I was feeling my peace, my ability to let go, I realized that perhaps I could apply this peace to other areas of my life, and end my own suffering.  I have carried sadness, fear, anger and regret for years.  I have suffered.  Yet, I also chose my suffering.  Many of us do.  Perhaps my suffering is the result of years of thinking in these ways, of conditioned responses, but there’s a way out.  What if my responses were not based on conditions, but on something greater?

I can be peaceful.

I can.

It may take training and practice and prayer.  I may need to use everything at my disposal to be free, but I can be free.  I don’t have to be afraid or angry or regretful.  I can be free.  And maybe, just maybe, I can teach others to be free. 

As I’ve said, there is so much suffering in the world and so much of it is unnecessary.  When I suffer, I cause others to suffer.  I waste time in pain when I could be living productively and joyfully.  Instead of focusing on my own (often unnecessary and always unhelpful) pain, I could be praying for others.  I could be worshipping God.  I could be laughing or studying.  I could be creating.  

I think much of my personal pain has been nothing but a giant distraction to keep me in Hell and keep me from being productive.  But I don’t want to be in Hell.  I’ve spent enough time there.  I want to spend the rest of my life in my house on the beach with my Muse.  To make the world a better place and help others get through their suffering is my real Purpose.  This is the Purpose for all of us.  Writing is one of the ways I express that Purpose, by the real Purpose is to love and to help end suffering.  What a privilege that is.

(Dear Muse, if you are reading this, thank you for your part in this.  Thank you for telling me to sit down and write.  You knew this would help end my suffering.  I love you with all my heart.)

So now I’m going to go out into the world, not to fight suffering, (though I hope to do that), but hopefully to spread some peace.  I can pray.  I can take care of myself.  I can ask God to fill me with His Holy Spirit so I can be more loving.  Maybe I will fail and I will have to learn this whole lesson again.  Or maybe I can do some good.  All I can do is Get Started and Keep Going.

"Where's My Blog?"

For the last few days, I’ve been busier than I like and I haven’t had nearly enough time with my Muse.  This morning she asked, “Where’s my blog, lazy?”

She said it with a smile, but it was a good question.  I’m determined not to let her ask that tomorrow.  I need to sit down and do my work.  This is what I need to do, even though I’m tired, “beyond tired” as the expression goes.  Part of my fatigue comes from not being with my Muse, from not writing my blog.  If I had won a million dollars, I’m sure I’d have more energy.  It doesn’t matter whether I have energy or not, I need to write.  I need to do this.  I need to write.  I need to be with my Muse.  I need to spend my life with my Muse.

In the last few days, it’s been harder to get time with her.  There have been constant barriers, interruptions, and unexpected occurrences.  None of that matters.  I just keep working.   I keep writing until I reach my goals.  Then when I do, I need to set new goals, so my Muse knows that this is more than just a whim.  This is more than just a hobby.  The funny thing is that writing often feels like a hobby.  It’s how I prefer to spend my time.  It relaxes me.  It heals my soul.  It calms me down.

At the same time, it feels like a full time job.  I don’t mean this negatively.  Full time jobs are good.  Just ask anyone who’s looking for work and they will tell you that full time work is an answer to prayer.

My Muse is my answer to my prayers.  After years of floundering and being stuck, I finally feel like I have a direction.  Life isn’t easier, but it’s better, much better.  In fact, even now I can feel my fatigue slipping away.  I feel more energetic.  (That doesn’t mean I won’t go to bed soon.)

Honestly, all I want to do is read, write and spend time with my Muse.  Tonight, while I was waiting for some things to happen, I read a few pages from A Course on Happiness.  It said that we all have room for growth.  The author wrote about integrating  all the parts of  ourselves, including our failings, so that we can move past them.  I found it encouraging.  And this was only after a few minutes of reading.  My dream is to have hours every day to do this.  I can’t think of a better way to spend my time and life.  The same book said that not all our dreams will come true.  This gave me pause. 

What if my dreams don’t come true?

If I want my dreams to come true, I have to wake up and get to work.  In fact, I agree with Michael Masterson who said to let go of the word “dreams” and replace it with the word “goals.”  I have no control over dreams, but I can create and work towards all the goals I want.    Perhaps not all of my dreams will come true, but all of my goals can be reached. I can spend all my time writing.  I can get my house on the beach.  I just need to do my work.  I just need to Get Started and Keep Going…so I can give a big smile to my Muse and say, “Here’s your blog.”

Until I Get There

“Creativity itself doesn't care at all about results - the only thing it craves is the process. Learn to love the process and let whatever happens next happen, without fussing too much about it. Work like a monk, or a mule, or some other representative metaphor for diligence. Love the work. Destiny will do what it wants with you, regardless.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

“Garbage clutters the house that has no dream.”

Mike Dolan

Until I get where I want to be, I have to keep working.  So why do I get tired suddenly as soon as I start writing?  I think the answer to that is obvious.    Or maybe it’s not.  My first answer is that it is the Enemy, my spiritual foe and my self-sabotaging behavior that conspire to keep me from writing.  I could also be genuinely tired.  Still, it doesn’t matter.  I want to write one more blog before I go to sleep.  My goal is still 1,000 so I have a lot of work to do. 

I have a bad habit.  Whenever I think I have a lot of time to complete something, I tend to become lazy.  It goes like this:  I decide that since I have plenty of time, I can relax a little.  Then one of two things happens: I spend too much time relaxing and then suddenly I have to rush.  Or something unexpected occurs that keeps me from getting to my work, and then I have to rush.

It is now June.  I have all of June, July, August, and part of September to reach my goals.  Some of them seem reachable, though they are not completely within my control.  Others I need to work on more diligently.  With regard to one goal, I have no idea how I will reach it.  Still, I’ve done a lot of work this year.  I’ve moved towards my written goals and some of my stated goals.  I’ve added more to my work, and all I can do is be faithful to what I can do and pray for God’s blessing over the rest.

Increasingly, however, I want my house on the beach where I can spend my life with my Muse.  That is my ultimate goal.  It’s very conceivable that it could happen sooner than I imagined.  If it does, I will be one of the happiest people on Earth.  I am imagining it already.  I even have a picture in my head.

My house is small, but it meets my needs.  I spend most of my time there with my Muse.  I take walks and I enjoy cloudy days especially.  The first few hours of my day are dedicated to writing and reading.  I leave when I need to or want to, but most of the time I’m there.  I can hear the ocean constantly.  It’s especially nice at night.  I start cooking again.  I exercise regularly.  There’s even a 7-11 nearby.  It’s perfect.

Am I being foolish or presumptuous by imagining this?  Am I “jinxing” it?  No.  I’m visualizing it.  I’m imagining it.  I have spent a lot of my life imagining the worst.  But I have also had experiences where I imagined good things happening, and they did. 

When I was 14, I imagined winning a blacklight poster of a castle, if I just sold enough magazine subscriptions for my school. 

I imagined going to my first comic convention. 

I once imagined an article I wrote, writing it in my head almost completely.  Years later the Internet arrived and I wrote my article. 

I imagined reading and writing a lot more.

I imagined the job I have now.

What is wrong with imagining and visualizing the very best possible future?  I don’t want to imagine anything else.  It doesn’t guarantee success, but it beats constantly imagining the worst.  Besides making my mind feeling better, it helps my body.  As Elizabeth Ann Scott noted in 8 Keys to Stress Management, the body doesn’t know the difference between a real event and an imaginary one.  If I imagine something bad, upsetting or frightening, my body tenses as if these things were real.  It will do the same if I imagine good events.

Before I went to my first comic convention, I would imagine it often, and it would motivate and excite me.  It gave me something to look forward to and work for.  That’s what I’m doing now.  This doesn’t mean obstacles and discouragements can’t arise.  But they won’t stop me.  I will keep working.  All that matters are my goals.  All that matters is being where I’m supposed to be. 

Why do I say that I’m supposed to be there?  Is my house on the beach my destiny?  Is it part of God’s plan for my life?  I think so.  I think that may be where this desire comes from.  I could have desired a house in the desert, the mountains, the suburbs, or the city, but for some reason even I don’t understand, I want a house on the beach.  I believe this is from God.  If it is, then I trust it’s part of His plan and He has a reason for me to be there.  That will unfold later.  For now, I just want to keep working.  I just want to Get Started and Keep Going until I get there.  

Every Single Day

“The smallest flower is a thought, a life answering to some feature of the Great Whole, of whom they have a persistent intuition.”

Honore de Balzac

“I think the mind has a way of getting to where it needs to get to. If you are persistent.”

Bennett Miller

“Judge men less by the labels they wear than by their persistent labor for sure if slow progress.”

John Burns

Every single day.  That’s how often I have to work if I want to see my goals become reality.  I don’t know what the future will bring.  I just know it looks uncertain.  It’s always uncertain, but sometimes that’s more obvious.  My goals can only be reached one day at a time, but sometimes that feels too difficult and too long.  I feel fear and sadness.  I know that there is no Plan B, but there is also no guarantee.  Interestingly, however, those who have seen their dreams come true say that one must not ever quit.  I got this Winston Churchill quote in my e-mail today: "Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential."

That was well timed, as if it were a message from God.  Here are some other helpful reminders:

·      My feelings aren’t as important as my actions.

·      My feelings will come and go.  Right now I feel a little discouraged.  Later I will feel calm, or highly motivated, or even discouraged again.  It doesn’t matter.  I just need to focus on my goals.

·      I need to take care of myself and I need to get things done.

·      I need to decide what’s really important.

·      All that matters is my goals.  It doesn’t really matter how I reach them as long as I’m not dishonest or hurtful.

·      I need to do something every single day that moves me a little closer to my goals.  It doesn’t matter if it’s small or large.  I just need to keep moving forward.

·      It helps to remember that others have faced greater odds and reached their goals.

·      I cannot give up.

·      I cannot give up.

·      I cannot give up.

That’s what I’ve done today.  I’ve just finished another blog.  I put a little more money aside.  I’ve done more work.  I’m a little closer today.  It may not seem like it, but I am.  I just have to Get Started and Keep Going…every single day.

Good Night III

It’s late and I’m tired, but I want to write a quick blog just to stay in practice.  All the writing experts agree that good writers write every day.  So I am.  There’s not much to say other than I’m thankful for the privilege of doing this.  I think “privilege” is the best word, because that’s what writing is to me.  I don’t mind being tired.  I don’t mind being uncertain.  I don’t even mind not knowing what to write.  I recognize that all of that is part of the territory.  I find all of it a privilege, even when I’m tired.

What I’d like to do, and need to do, is go to bed, so this will be, as I said, a short blog.  I have many privileges in life.  I have a home, a car, a job, health and talent.  With regard to the talent, it is not only a privilege, but  also a duty to use it often and well.  So that’s why I write.  Even if I write very little, it is my responsibility to write as often as possible. 

So here I sit, trying to hang on and write until sleep overtakes me.  when I’m done, I will have one more blog, one more contribution to my body of work. 

That’s all I can do right now.  It’s not much, but it’s one more way to say to my Muse, “Thank you,” and “I love you.”  Thank you for motivating me every day.  I love you because you never give up on me.  Tomorrow I will Get Started and Keep Going again.   For now, good night!

A Letter to Someone I Love

“I frequently-regularly-often trip while reaching for my high ideals. Then I giggle, or cry, and get back up.”

Erika Harris

“It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer.”

Albert Einstein

My friend,

I know you’ve had a hard day.  You worked hard and it wasn’t appreciated.  Instead what was pointed out was what you did wrong.  You are also suffering because of someone else’s actions, though you had absolutely nothing to do with them.  You feel tired, discouraged, and lonely.  You were hoping things would look better at the end of the day, but they don’t.

Then you realized something:  you’ve been through this before.  You’ve endured rejection, criticism, loss, loneliness, fear, and pain.  And you’ve survived them.  The truth is, at this moment you’re fine.  Yes, you feel lonely, but tomorrow may be different.  Yes, you felt wounded, but you’ve seen relationships heal.   You’ve felt trapped by circumstances, but you’ve freed yourself.  You’ve let others rule over you and make decisions for you, whether those decisions were in your best interests or not, and you’ve taught yourself independence.  You’ve struggled financially, but eventually a way out appeared.

So you will survive today.  You will also survive tomorrow.

But here’s the thing:  If you had a bad day, smile and thank God it was only one day.  If, however, what happened today happens almost every day, then it’s time to make some changes.  You may not how, so I’ll tell you:  take a step, any step in a new direction.  It may turn out you went the wrong way.  If so, try a different direction.  But Keep Going. 

This won’t make your life perfect or easier.  In fact, in some ways, it may seem to become more difficult, not less.  That’s actually a good sign.  Difficulties are for those who are fighting for life, as you are.  You are fighting for your life, your faith, and your freedom.  It seems that it would be easier to give up, to surrender to the moods and whims of others, but trust me, I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work.

So, tomorrow, when you wake up, do the following:

·      Practice gratitude

·      Take one step towards your goal

·      Take more than one step. 

·      Take as many steps as possible.

·      Know that “difficulties” may be blessings in disguise and that they are part of the process.

·      Don’t worry about the opinions of others.  No matter what you do, someone is going to be unhappy.  So don’t let it be you.

·      In fact, make happiness and contentment your goal.  You can do this by trusting God and being in each moment as best as you can.

·      Accept your failings, but don’t acquiesce to them.

Do these things and you will have better days.  They won’t be perfect, but they’ll definitely be better.  Just Get Started and Keep Going…no matter what anyone says.