What Do I Want to Do?

“Faith that it's not always in your hands or things don't always go the way you planned, but you have to have faith that there is a plan for you, and you must follow your heart and believe in yourself no matter what.”

Martina McBride

“Follow your heart and make it your decision.”

Mia Hamm

What do I want to do?  For over 700 blogs I’ve espoused the power and necessity of taking action.  I wrote about Purpose and how it can change our lives, specifically how it’s changed mine.  I’m still doing that.  I’m not stopping.  I’ve slowed down a little, but only a little.  For a while I felt uncertain and hesitant. I looked at other ways to write, ways that might make me more money.  I wondered if I needed to “branch out.” I wondered if what I was doing was relevant or useful.  I still wonder.  Here’s the answer:

I don’t care. 

I don’t care, at least at this point, if what I’m doing reaches anyone or even helps anyone.  I already know it does.  It helps me and it helps my Muse.  The gifts we are given are for the world, but they are for us first.

But shouldn’t Purpose be something that helps the world?  Yes, but before that it has to come from a place of passion.  Not only should we love what we do, when it comes to our Purpose, we should believe it’s the most important thing, or one of the most important things in the world.  Curiously, the more important it is, the more we have to remind ourselves.  Why is this?

The formula is simple:  Passion and Purpose lead to attacks of self-sabotage and of sabotage by circumstances or by others.  This leads to distractions and forgetfulness.  Then one day we find ourselves engulfed in a sea of urgency, emergencies, and other people’s priorities.  So reminders, daily reminders even, are necessary.  What do we want?  Why?

Here’s what I want:

·      A house on the beach with my Muse

·      To be able to read, write, and speak for a living

·      Enough money to put my kids and grandkids through college

·      To have a satisfying spiritual life

·      To see my children grow up happy, healthy, and with a love for God

In the short term (two years or fewer), I want to have done the following:

·      Read 200 books

·      Written up to 1,000 blogs

·      Publish two more books

·      Become debt free

Why do I want these things?  I want them because they will make me happy.  But beyond that, I think they will make God happy.  Why do I have these particular desires?  Why, for example, do I want a house on the beach instead of one in the suburbs or the desert or the mountains?   Why am I passionate about writing and not racecars or teaching kindergarten?  Why do I like the color orange or blueberries?  I believe God puts particular desires in our hearts, because it’s part of His plan.

Does this blog help anyone?  Is it “marketable?”  Maybe or maybe not, but writing it is part of God’s plan.  How do I know that?  Because while I’m doing it, I have peace.  This writing is the best thing I can do for God, the world, and myself.  This is the work that attracts my Muse.  It makes her happy and it makes me happy.  But does it help others?  It can because we all need to be in our Purpose and this is just one more reminder for the world or for anyone who wants to read this. 

But is it marketable?  Here’s a story.  In 1975, Gary Dahl put rocks in boxes and called them Pet Rocks.  The box and the accompanying “owner’s manual” said that the owner didn’t have to feed, train, or clean up after the rocks.  Dahl sold over 1.5 million Pet Rocks and became a millionaire in less than a year.  If rocks in a box are marketable, anything is.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Pet_Rock&redirect=no) 

So I’m going to keep writing what my Muse and I like.  Will I take suggestions and try to expand my skills?  Of course.  Maybe.  Or maybe I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing now, writing for my Muse and myself.  I’ll Get Started and Keep Going because that’s what I want to do.

Making Difficult Choices

“Don’t sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you can give and nobody will care for you.”

Karl Lagerfeld

“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”

Maya Angelou 

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”

John Steinbeck

In relationships we have to put in a lot of time.  The specific hours may change over the years, but the number of hours usually don’t, except perhaps for small children, as they grow older.  But everything takes time – Purpose, relationships, work, exercise… everything.  And sometimes it can feel overwhelming.  What is the answer?

For me the answer is to know what I want.  What do I want?  Me.  Not, what do others want.  What do I want?  What do I need?  Does this seem selfish?  It’s actually the most loving thing to do.  If I don’t know what I want or need, then I can’t give others what they want or need.  Then what happens is I get sucked into the unexpected, into demands, into doing things I don’t really want to do.  I feel resentful and irritable.   I am impatient and unloving.

Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers, said,

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Does this mean I always do what I want?  Does this mean that I never consider others?  No.  Sometimes, doing what I want is about serving others.  What does that look like then?  It might mean spending time with my kids, because what I want is to love them and demonstrate that love by being with them.  Or it might mean sitting alone and writing because what I want is to serve God, the world, my loved ones, my Muse, and myself by doing my work.  I might need to rest.  I might need a vacation from all that is familiar.  I might need time to myself.  I might need to get a job or quit my job. 

But…

What do we do when there are two conflicting choices?   What do we do when we don’t know what to do?  I wish there were rules that would tell us what to do in times of ambiguity, but there are no rules.  There are only guidelines.  When it comes to people and the human heart, rules rarely work because love, fear, and uncertainty all come into play.  So all we can do is do our best. The following guidelines have helped me in the past:

Do the most loving thing you can do.  Sometimes you have to love yourself first. Sometimes you have to love others.  Both are acts of love so neither is wrong.

Ask for help.  We should not carry our burdens alone.  And often we are too close to the situation to see clearly.   Another person’s perspective might be helpful.  Be sure, however, that the person who is offering help does not have his or her own agenda.  In some cases professional counseling may be necessary.

Ask for prayer.  I understand that our rational world sees prayer as a last resort, or something for the weak.  Perhaps.  But the truth is that we are all weak sometimes.  The other truth is that there are spiritual forces that will come to our aid if we ask for their help.

Forgive yourself if you make the “wrong” decision.  I put quotation marks around the word “wrong” because very few decisions are completely wrong or right.  All decisions come with costs and benefits.  There is no perfect choice.  What makes it hard is that we worry more about the costs than the benefits.  What if we only considered the benefits of every decision and just ignored the costs for a little while?  Would this approach help?

Make the decision for yourself and not for the approval of others.  I’ve made decisions that made me very unhappy, often because of the fear of disapproval.  Eventually I unmade those decisions.  The thing that often kept me stuck was the fear of disapproval.  What I learned was that the people whose approval I wanted didn’t approve (or care) anyway or they weren’t around to help with the fallout of my bad choices.  Martha Beck, author of Expecting Adam and The Joy Diet says

“In our world of commingled cultures and traditions, we may confront innumerable moral codes, all different from one another. There is simply no way to gain approval from each of these disparate sources; trying to do so will make you feel even worse. Instead, clearly define your own moral code and then stick to it whether or not others approve.”

(http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Stop-Seeking-Approval)

            In other words, we each have to know what we really want.  Does this mean that there are no moral absolutes?  No.  We still need to be kind, loving, and do our best to not harm others, but those can all be demonstrated in a multitude of ways.  Another absolute is that we need to love ourselves. 

            So what do we do when there are hard decisions to be made? There aren’t necessarily quick and easy answers, other than to ask, “What is the most loving thing to do?”  Perhaps you can ask, “Which decision brings me the most peace?”  Or perhaps you can just make a choice and see what happens. If it doesn’t work, make a new one.   There will always be a new tomorrow.  Do what you have to do today.   Then Get Started and Keep Going to make that decision work for you and for those you love.

Some Thoughts About Taking a Few Days Off from Writing Blogs

“Writing is my time machine, takes me to the precise time and place I belong.”

Jeb Dickerson

“Words — so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.”

Nathaniel Hawthorne

“When a man is in doubt about this or that in his writing, it will often guide him if he asks himself how it will tell a hundred years hence.”

Samuel Butler

Some thoughts about taking a few days off from writing blogs:

·      I was still writing every day, at least three pages every morning.

·      It was difficult to not write.

·      I made choices to do other things and I don’t regret those choices. 

·      We are given certain gifts in this life.  They can be left unopened or rarely used, but they never go away.

·      Taking a few days off from this part of my life did not mean I was neglecting my Purpose.

·      It doesn’t matter if I repeat myself.

·      It doesn’t matter if I think I have nothing new to say.

·      It doesn’t matter if I even publish this.

·      All that matters is that I do my work.

·      I admit I’m still torn about my work.

·      I admit I still have doubts.

·      I admit I still have fears.

·      None of that matters.

·      I’m committed to my Muse.

·      I’m committed to my house on the beach.

·      I’m committed to writing, no matter how I feel.

·      I don’t have to publish this.

·      I don’t have to reach a certain number of blogs.

·      I don’t have to write a certain number of pages or words each day, though there are guidelines for this and I choose to follow them.

·      I don’t have to have all the answers, about writing, about life, about anything.

·      I don’t have to be perfect.

·      I don’t have to berate myself if I miss a day, or a week, of writing.

·      I don’t have to heed anyone’s advice, no matter how well-intentioned, unless I want to.

·      I don’t have to make a living doing this (yet).

·      I don’t have to be the world’s greatest writer (yet).

·      I don’t have to write for anyone but my Muse and me.

·      I only have to write.

·      I only have to do the best I can each day.

·      I only have to take action.

·      That is what love is – taking action because it’s the right thing to do.

·      This process doesn’t always have to be fun, though it usually is once I get started.

·      Despite all the reading I do, I still have to find my own answers and my own way. 

·      Despite all my reading and writing, there are very few things I know.   I know only the following:

·      God loves me.

·      Exercise makes me feel better.

·      Taking care of myself makes me feel better.

·      It’s good for me to be in my Purpose every day.

·      It’s good for me to be with my Muse every day.

·      The more I am in my Purpose, the more open I am to attacks.

·      The more I am in my Purpose, the stronger I am to withstand those attacks.

·      I really don’t have much business doing anything other than what God or my Muse direct me to do.  If I’m listening to them, then anything I do is okay.

·      If I get off track, solemn declarations or dramatic vows to change are not necessary.  All I need to do is get back to work.

·      All I need to do is Get Started and Keep Going.

·      That’s what I’ve done here…and it feels great.  It feels better than taking a few days off.

Dreams

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.”

Anais Nin

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.”

Jesse Owens

“All men of action are dreamers.”

James Huneker

Dreams.  How important are they?  We all have them.  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a dream.  Unfortunately I know plenty of people who do not pursue their dreams or have given them up altogether.  The problem with dreams is that they aren’t real.  In 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “I have a dream.”  It was a good one and things have improved in race relations, but it wasn’t because he had a dream.  It was because he, and millions of others, took action.

Dreams are for people who sleep.  Action is for those who are…well…active.   In The Pledge, author Michael Masterson explains the difference between a dream and a goal and says he prefers to not even use the word “dream.”

Still, a dream can be a good starting place.  Sometimes in literal dreams we have ideas or messages from our subconscious.  For example, John Lennon came up with the inspiration for the song Instant Karma through a combination of conversations and a literal dream.  Upon waking from the dream, Lennon quickly put a group together (including fellow Beatle George Harrison) and recorded the song.  Ten days later it was released, “making it one of the fastest released songs in pop-music history.”  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instant_Karma!) What started as a dream became a reality. 

What made it a reality?  What makes a dream come true?

Action.

That’s it. 

Constant, consistent, planned action.  Nothing else. 

At this very moment I’m filled with doubt that what I’m saying is any good.  I worry about being clichéd and unoriginal.  Am I really helping anyone?  Will I be seen as Hamlet’s busybody Polonius, spouting clichés and feel-good words, without changing my own life?  Even that argument doesn’t matter.  All that matters is action.  All that matters is that we do our work.  It’s possible that I will delete this entire piece when I am done.  It’s possible that no one will read it.  It still doesn’t matter.  If it’s bad, but I keep working, I will learn how to make it good. 

Self-doubt is a difficulty, but it may be just another way to keep us from working and reaching our goals.  If I were to give into my own self-doubts, where would it lead me?  I’d stop writing.  I’d tell myself it was a phase and that it served its purpose, but it was just something for a little while and that I’ve gone on to other things. 

It’s possible that my self-doubt is also a way of my unconscious telling me to work even harder, to study, and to learn more.  Perhaps it is even a gift, telling me I’ve reached a new level, and now it’s time to move forward.  Perhaps it’s telling me I’ve done a good job and I can do even more. 

Whatever it is, a curse, a gift, or a little of both, self-doubt can only be overcome by self-discipline.

How important is self-discipline?  It is the engine that drives Purpose.  The trick is to set goals and then work towards them.  This includes goals for time management and the quantity of work each of us is committed to.  In this way we make our dreams come true.  The following questions might be helpful:

·      How much time do we want to give each day?

·      What are we willing to give up?

·      How long will we persist?

·      What will we do if we don’t see results soon, or even later?

·      What will we do when we feel afraid, unmotivated, or doubtful?

·      Why are we doing this?

The last question is the most important and it one that each of us has to answer alone.  I’m doing this because, despite fear, procrastination, distractions, and self-doubt, I see no other way to reach my dreams than by doing that which has already changed my life.  In other words, it’s worked so far, and it’s the course I’ve chosen, and may even be the course chosen for me.  I Get Started and Keep Going.  That’s how I make my dreams come true.

And Just See What Happens...

Rather than go through the normal “I-don’t-know-what-to-write” routine that I endure so often, I’m going to sit here and write and just see what happens.  The worst thing that will happen is that I will produce nothing of substance or value, but I will have put in my time.  The best thing that will happen is that I will get a phone call, as a result of this work, from someone offering me a huge cash advance to write a motivational book.  Most likely, what will happen is somewhere in the middle.  I’ll do my work and feel better about myself.  Then I will work on other things that bring me closer to my goals.

But whatever happens won’t just happen.  By doing our work, we are helping it to happen. In The Science of Getting Rich, Wallace Wattles says, “(W)hen a man begins to move towards a larger life more things attach themselves to him, and the influence of his desire is multiplied.” 

In Outliers Malcolm Gladwell says that we need 10,000 hours to be the best at what we do.  Perhaps this is true.  Our work generally improves as we put more time into it.  The important thing to remember is the work.  Yes, we may want financial success and recognition for our work.  But the work is the primary thing. 

At this stage of the game, with no real tangible results, the work is all there is.  That’s why it’s important to develop habits and self-discipline.  For example, right now I’m on vacation.  I could be doing anything I want.  I have time and even a little money.  It’s a beautiful day outside.  I could be at the beach.  This morning, though it’s my day off, I woke up at 6:30.  For me, that was oversleeping.  (I had an upset stomach.)  I like to wake up at 5:00 and start writing.  Even on my days off.  When I’m not writing, I’m reading.  Not for pleasure, though I get a lot of pleasure from reading, but so that I can learn more, do better, and bless the world.  I want to be a “lovecat” as Tim Sanders calls it in his book Love Is the Killer App.  A lovecat shares his knowledge with the world, but he has to acquire that knowledge first.  The acquisition of knowledge is a labor of love, a way to serve the world. 

Reading, writing, and speaking are three ways that I serve the world, but each of us has our own way(s) to serve the world.  For those who aren’t sure, start with this question:  What do I love?

Love is always a legitimate source of information, because it comes from God.  It’s genuine.  It’s primal.  Why do we like certain colors?  Why do we love some foods over others?  For the most part, these things are a part of us.  We were born with them. 

In my own life, I have always loved reading, writing, and speaking.  I didn’t look for them.  They just came to me.  More accurately, they came with me…they arrived with me…when I was born.  And then at the right time, they came out of me.

There’s something within each of us that wants to come out and be expressed. Wattles also says this is God wanting to express Himself through us.  If this thing within us brings us love and joy and it allows us to bless others, then there is no wrong medium.  Art, dance, business, hobbies, and on and on it can go.

The important thing is to do what you love.  Even job coaches take this approach, chief among them Richard Bolles in What Color Is Your Parachute? (a book that has been coming out in new and updated editions for almost forty years).  Can our love lead to a full-time occupation?  Bolles says, “The key to a happy and fulfilling future is knowing yourself. This self-knowledge is the most important component of finding the right career.”

Again, however, before the career choice, love comes first.  It’s possible that your work may not be part of your job.  Your job may be something you do, and something you like, but your work will be something you love.

So do your work.  Do what you love.  Get Started.  Keep Going…and just see what happens.

Keep Going, Keep Going, Keep Going!

Imagine sitting alone in a room, or at your desk, or somewhere where you are supposed to be doing your work.  Not your job, the thing you’re paid for – but your work, the thing you were born for.  You have this picture in your head of your perfect life.  Not a perfect life, but your perfect life, the one you were born for.  But at this moment, it seems very…very…very far away.  You’ve already put in a significant amount of time and energy.  You’ve made your commitment.  You have no intention of changing your mind.  But at this moment, the promise of your goal seems very…very…very far away

What do you do?  You have two choices – you stop or you Keep Going.

There are three ways to stop.  You can stop for a while.  You can take a break, a nap, a day off.  You can stop for the weekend.  There’s nothing wrong with this, though in my own experience, the most I can go is a day.

Or…

You can stop until things get easier.  You can stop after the kids have grown, when you have more money, when you have fewer commitments, when you have more time or energy, or when life is a little less complicated.  There’s a word for this day.  It’s called, “Never.”  There will always be something; in fact, there will always be a lot of things.  This way of thinking is deceptive and dangerous.  Your return date may also be “never.”   Like Peter Keating in The Fountainhead, you might give up your chance. 

Or…

You can stop altogether.  You can decide that you’ve put in enough time and energy and you have little or nothing to show for it.  You can go on to something else, but you run the risk of going on to nothing at all.  “But,” you say in protest, “you don’t know how hard I’ve worked.  I’ve worked and worked and sacrificed, and I have nothing to show for it!”

I get it.  A lot of people get it.

John Kennedy Toole won a Pulitzer Prize for his book A Confederacy of Dunces...posthumously, more than ten years after killing himself due to depression and an unwillingness to seek medical help.   So there’s no guarantee of success.  So, again, I get it. 

All I can say is this:  I’m not giving up.  I may be discouraged, tired, frustrated, sad, broke, or alone, but I’m not quitting.  I may feel like I have nothing more to offer, but I’m not giving up.  I will keep working.  I will reach my goals, or I will literally die trying (though not like Toole). 

Here’s the good news.  When I started this blog, I had no idea what I was going to say.  In fact, I procrastinated on writing today because I had no idea what to write. Then I sat down and began working and the words came.  This is how it works.  We sit down and do our work and wait for it.  The Muse appears.  We do something, anything, and something will happen.  Anything can happen.

All that is required is to keep working.  Feelings don’t matter.  Discouragement in any form doesn’t matter.  Only the work matters.   You don’t stop. 

You Keep Going. 

You Keep Going. 

You Keep Going. 

I see no other valid or sane choice.  Keep Going.  

Am I Repeating Myself?

“First say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do.”

Epictetus

“Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

Steve Martin

“Your life does not get better by chance.  It gets better by change.”

Jim Rohn

Why do I do it?  Why do I say the same thing almost every day?  Why do I repeat myself?  Here I go again:

·      Get Started.

·      Keep Going.

·      Do your work.

·      House on the Beach.

·      Muse.

Can you feel the “blah, blah, blah” coming?  Why is it that I seem to keep saying the same things over and over?  Because you and I need reminders.  There are two ways of looking at life and both are correct.  One way is to just enjoy life and be thankful and peaceful.  Take things as they come.  Be in the present moment.  The other way is to see life as a series of constant battles, struggles, and reaching for worthy goals.  So I remind myself every day to Get Started and to Keep Going, because when I do my work, I feel thankful and peaceful.   Every time I write a blog or move towards my goals, even in a small way, I feel good about life and about myself.   I feel stronger, larger, more confident. 

At the same time, I know life is also a battle.   My defense against the Enemy, against depression, fear, low self-esteem, and everything else that tries to do me in, is to do my work.  As I do my work, not only do I feel better, I become open to improvements, ideas, and new ways to use my work to reach my goals.

In life, and in each of us, there is room to be both Warrior and Monk.  To neglect the Warrior within is to leave ourselves unprepared for and unprotected against the inevitable (and often unexpected) delays and difficulties.   Life becomes nothing more than a constant series of battles and frustrations.  To neglect the Monk is to leave ourselves ungrateful and unhappy.  Life, and even our goal, becomes nothing more than a series of tasks and obligations.

So every day I remind myself of what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.  Reminders come in the form of 3x5 cards with pictures and written statements of my goals strategically placed where I see them every day. They come in the form of encouragement to and from others.  They come when I take care of myself.  But mostly they come when I do my actual work.  Doing our work is the best motivation possible. 

But shouldn’t we need to do our work without motivation, without reminders?  Shouldn’t we just do it what we’re supposed to do without being told?  Perhaps, if we weren’t human, the answer would be yes.  But remember, life is a battle.  We get tired.  We get discouraged.  We even get busy and forget.  At the same time, life is a gift and daily reminders help us to appreciate that gift every day.  Life is not only a gift; each day it is a new gift.

There is also another truth.  I don’t need to be reminded.  I just need to do my work.  But sometimes the reminders give me a refreshed sense of purpose.  They make me glad that I have goals.  They motivate me to work just a little harder, to not give up when I feel tired or apathetic or even just neutral.

This then is one more reminder to Get Started and Keep Going.  Do a little or do a lot, but do something that will get you towards your goal.  Then when you get there, create a new goal remind yourself, every day, why you are doing it, even if you’re repeating yourself.