600

Six hundred.  This is blog 600.  At this time last year, I was just over 100, working feverishly to reach 150 by my birthday.  This time my goal is loftier.  I want to have reached 100 blogs in seven weeks.  In addition, I have set other goals:

·      Walk at least 40 hours

·      Do 40 more radio shows.

·      Put 20 more things on eBay.

·      Read for 40 hours.

·      Reduce my debts by 20% or more.

This is the third time I’ve published these goals in a week.  They are that important to me.  So I remind myself constantly.  I cannot let up.  I cannot take a break.  Not if I want to reach my goals.  Most of all, and this is crucial, I cannot let events or other people determine how I feel.  Nor can I let them stop me from doing my work.  Here’s one way of looking at it:  nothing exists but me.  In his book, Busting Loose from the Money Game, Robert Scheinfeld says we each create our own reality, like a director creating a movie.

If that’s true, then why is life so difficult sometimes?  Maybe it’s not.  Maybe I make it difficult through fear and other bad choices.   Maybe I’m unconsciously creating difficulties so, like a hero in a movie, I have something to overcome.  If my movie had no conflict, challenge, change or growth, it would be pretty boring.  So my story needs to have conflict, danger, and even the possibility of an unhappy ending.    Here are some of my difficulties:

·      The threat of loneliness

·      Money problems

·      Fear

·      Other people’s behaviors

·      Red lights

·      Long lines

·      Noise

Here’s the thing:  it’s not the difficulties I need to overcome, but my reactions to them.  That is my real battle.  Using Scheinfeld’s premise, if I create everything, then I create my reaction and responses to them.  There’s the conflict.  There’s the challenge and the danger.  I might create a life in which I don’t win, in which I end up broke and alone.  Why would I do that?  I would do that because I believe there’s a limit to my power and my endurance.  I would do that because I gave up on my dreams.

I won’t give up.

I’m going to create a life that doesn’t end, but begins, with my Muse in our house on the beach. 

When I started this blog, I felt a huge wave of peace come over me.  Now, hours later, I feel fear.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m going to create a world in which I reach all my goals.  I’m going to create a world in which I make the world a better place. While I may be a creator, I am not God.  At best I am a co-creator with God.  More likely, I’m creating the world He wants me to create. 

If I am a creator and I am creating all my experiences, including the pain I feel now, there are some questions to consider:

·      How can I create a better world?

·      What am I responsible for?

·      How can I create a world and a life I enjoy?

·      How can I reduce or eliminate fear and pain?

·      How can I create myself to be a better man?

·      How can I be more peaceful?

·      Why have I created my fear, pain, defects, and defeats?

·      Am I living the life I want?  If not, what do I need to do to create it?

I like the idea of creating my own life.  It gives me more responsibility and, hence, more power.  I don’t mean power over others.  I don’t want that.  It is better to accept and love people as they are, even when they can be hurtful or confusing.

Serendipitously, I just heard T. Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, ask the following questions:

·      How did I create my life?

·      Why did I create the bad?

·      What do I get out of the bad things (what benefit do I derive from them)?

The last question is the most fascinating.  What benefit do I derive from my pain?  Is there some reason I hold on to the same old fears?  Am I just used to them?  Do I keep them around because they are familiar, like old friends whose friendship is no longer beneficial?  Is the pain of getting rid of these feelings greater than the pain of letting them go?

I’m tired of my fears.  If I created them as something to overcome, then I’d like to create a resolution to that lifelong battle.  I don’t want fear anymore.

I’m not going to make a bold declaration that I’m done with my fears for once and for all.  That usually doesn’t work.  But I’m tired of my fears all the same.  So I’m going to finish this blog, my 600^th.  I was hoping such a milestone would be more celebratory.  It’s okay.  I’m still going to keep writing.  Tomorrow I will work on my 601^st blog and soon I will be on my 1,000^th blog.  I just need to do what I’ve been doing for a year and a half – Get Started and Keep Going.