I'm Doing My Best Anyway

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

“There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”

Nelson Mandela

I definitely don’t feel like writing at the moment.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I’m worrying over something that will probably be fine, but I have no guarantees.  So I’m hoping for the best, but at this point, I’m definitely playing hurt.  I just want to go to sleep, but I know I won’t sleep well and nothing has worked tonight, not tapping or The Work or even drinking five bottles of water.  I’ve been through this pain before.  On a scale of 1 – 10, it used to be a 10.  Tonight it was a 7.  It still hurts, a lot, but not as much as it used to hurt.

I’m not trying to be cryptic or mysterious, but as I’ve often said, I don’t share details because 1) they’re private and 2) the details aren’t as important as how I handle my life in the midst of pain.  Things will probably be fine, as I said, but at the moment it doesn’t feel like it.  So the question I have to consider is, “How do I want to look back on this situation?”

I want to look back and say that even though I was hurting, I still did my best.  This may not be my best blog ever, but I was doing my best at the moment.  That’s all I can do.  As Don Miguel Ruiz points out in The Four Agreements, our best is different at different times depending on many things.  Right now, in addition to feeling discouraged, I’m falling asleep. 

I’m doing my best anyway.

The most interesting thing about this is that yesterday I got a very clear vision of how I want to focus my life, getting my house on the beach.  Then in less than 24 hours, that all seems so fragile.    It could all be gone. 

I’m doing my best anyway.

I’m exhausted and cold and scared and tired.

I’m doing my best anyway.

Probably the most important thing to do is to stay calm and keep working, keep writing.  Probably it’s the only thing to do.  Probably everything will be fine.  And if it’s not, then I will do my best anyway.  This is what Steven Pressfield means when he says the professional plays (while) hurt.  I Get Started and I Keep Going.  Yes, I may take a nap or a walk or a pain reliever, but I keep going.  Ultimately, I have only two places to go, into a hole or back to my Purpose. 

I knew a man who let his defeats and setbacks keep him from receiving love or joy or even good health.  I understand how he got there.  I even sympathize.  But I don’t want to go there myself.  If I wake up tomorrow morning and find out my world has ended, I will go back to my Purpose. 

I’m doing my best anyway.

This is what separates the winners from the losers, not ability nor station in life nor income nor race nor education.  What separates winners from losers is the ability to Get Started and Keep Going no matter what happened earlier today or yesterday.  All that matters is what I make happen now and tomorrow.

So tomorrow, when I wake up, I’ll do what I can to make the world a better place.  I’ll do my blogs and my radio show and write some resumes.  But I won’t crawl back into the hole.  I’ll Get Started and Keep Going and keep doing my best anyway.