I wrote something but I didn’t like
it, so I’m starting again. I
haven’t written a blog in more than two days, and that’s too long. What I wrote first was too similar to
something I’d written before. So
I’m starting again. Here’s
something I know: I can’t take two
days off again. It makes it harder
to write. Doing this every day is
hard. Not doing this every day is
harder. There’s another reason
this is hard: I’m not being
completely honest.
Today while
reading a blog by Steven Pressfield, (http://www.stevenpressfield.com/2014/05/panic-attacks/) I was struck by his honesty as he admitted
his own self-sabotage. He’s one of
my writing heroes, so I just assumed that he had resistance beaten. Of course, he doesn’t. No one does completely. I certainly don’t, or I wouldn’t have
let two days go by without writing.
I wouldn’t have wasted time playing online games when I should have been
writing. This battle will never
end and I just have to realize it.
Thinking that I have the Enemy beaten is what defeats me.
As I said, I was
struck by his honesty and it led me to this question:
“How much of
himself or herself does a writer give away?”
Part of the joy
and part of the job of being a writer is to be somewhat introverted. I can’t really be around people when
I’m doing my work and that’s okay.
At the same time, I’m sharing myself with the world. More precisely I’m sharing myself with
a world that I imagine to be sympathetic.
Then I remember the advice of one writer who said, “Write for an audience
of one.”
So I do. I write for my Muse. I know she will like what I write and
be sympathetic to my fears and failings.
She has already demonstrated this many times. So I write for her.
And I tell her this:
“I’m working on
myself every day.
“I think I’ve
conquered panic attacks.
“I know there will
be other enemies to fight and conquer.
“Staying here with
you, my Muse, is the best way to defeat them.
“I’m sorry I let
this get away from me for two days.
That’s why it was harder than usual to do this. You weren’t going to give me anything
until you were sure that I was serious.”
I’m glad to be
back. I’m glad to be writing. It’s interesting, but I’ve made two
huge decisions in the last year and I’ve made them both with no fanfare.
1. I
want to spend the rest of my life with my Muse (that is, I want to write for
the rest of my life, and
2. I
want my house on the beach as soon as possible.
I have no way of
knowing how I’m going to reach my goals and I have no way of believing that I
won’t. So here I sit, writing as
if I already have my house on the beach, as if I have already reached my goals. That’s all I can do.
That’s one of he
secrets of life: Keep Going.
So I’m going to
Keep Going even though I don’t think this is my best blog ever. I’m going to Keep Going anyway. I’m going to keep writing, because I
believe, even though I don’t know how, that every page, every word, every
letter I write, brings me that much closer to my goals. That’s why I have to do this every
day. I certainly can’t take two
days off ever again.
Are there other
things I can do every day?
Can I read a
little every day?
Can I save a
little money every day?
Can I be a little
more organized every day?
Can I be a little
kinder every day?
Can I exercise a
little every day?
Can I take care of
myself a little more every day?
Can I Get Started
and Keep Going every day?
I can.
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