Today, for no reason I could
fathom, I almost suffered an anxiety attack. I get them sometimes, but usually they’re connected to an
event that I view to be negative.
My first guess was that I hadn’t taken care of myself physically. Perhaps I hadn’t eaten enough or had
enough water. Fortunately, I
got some food and water and I feel better now. I also feel better because I’m sitting here and writing. Sitting here with my Muse is the best
place on earth for me. There’s
truly nowhere else I’d rather be.
Why do I like this
so much? Why do I like sitting
alone in a room with my Muse, creating words on a blank page? Wouldn’t it be healthier or better to
see some friends? Wouldn’t I
rather see a movie or a game?
Wouldn’t it be nice to be at a party? Don’t I get lonely? The answer to the last four
questions is, “No.” To elaborate
on the last question, the only person I get lonely for is my Muse.
This doesn’t mean
I don’t want, need or love people, but this is what gives me the energy to
serve them. Yes, there’s the
additional pleasure of making my own decisions, creating my own environment,
and deciding how much noise or silence I prefer. But it is, above all else, the writing that makes me the
happiest.
Of course, there
could be a negative opinion as to why I do this.
Perhaps writing
and being alone is my retreat from the world. Perhaps the world and life may be too difficult and
frightening and I just want to hide.
That might be true, but if it were, I wouldn’t write and then share it
with the world. I wouldn’t do
radio shows. I wouldn’t talk about
being positive and having Purpose.
Instead, I’d hide out and read comic books or watch movies, the way I
used to do. If I were
afraid, I wouldn’t do anything that would draw attention to myself.
Perhaps this is
about getting attention or money then.
Perhaps I think my writing will cause people to like me or pay me. That might be true, but if it is I
should try another venue. The
average number of readers I get per blog is 15. Even my closest friends rarely, if ever, read it and I don’t
make a dime. I certainly hope to
get more readers and I certainly hope to make money doing this, but if those
were my purposes, I would have given up long ago. Only my Muse and I read this every day. And she doesn’t pay me.
Perhaps this is
just a hobby. Perhaps this is just something I do to pass the time. If that were true, I wouldn’t spend
this much time, thought and energy on it.
I wouldn’t work on it almost every day and every night. I wouldn’t feel as if I were cheating
myself by when I don’t do it. I
wouldn’t feel irritable and as if something were missing when I don’t write.
I do this for a
few reasons:
·
I feel compelled.
·
I feel that it’s my gift to God, the world, my loved
ones, my Muse and myself.
·
It makes me happy.
·
I feel like I’m contributing something positive,
perhaps even great, to the world.
·
I feel better about myself.
Perhaps this is
how other writers feel. Perhaps
it’s how everyone feels when he or she is in Purpose. Perhaps the answer is to
Get Started and Keep Going. It is
for me.
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