“That is part of the beauty
of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that
you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”
“[I]t doesn’t matter whom
you love or where you move from or to, you always take yourself with you. If
you don’t know who you are, or if you’ve forgotten or misplaced her, then
you’ll always feel as if you don’t belong. Anywhere. (xiii)”
Honestly, I feel a bit of wistfulness
tonight, even sadness and some loneliness. I just got home from being on the road for about two
days. I don’t mean two days
straight. I’m including the
reunion, the people I saw, the interactions I had, all of which were
wonderful. There was, however, a
lot of driving… a lot. At the end
of it, I feel tired and a little lonely.
I wish I had had a
little more time with my friends, the new and the old ones.
I wish I had
gotten there sooner.
I wish I had had
time to walk around Marina, Seaside or Monterey.
I wish the trips
there and back had not taken so long.
I wish I had not
gone alone.
I used to think
that some people were meant to be alone.
I used to think I was.
Sometimes I wondered if that was the reason I was given the gift of
writing; it’s a solitary pursuit.
In fact, it’s best and usually only done alone. Like many people, I have gone through
times where I feel like I don’t belong and that this would be my destiny. This weekend was one of those times.
Then I realized
that maybe I’m exhausted from hours and hours of driving. Maybe I’m dealing with disappointment
and not getting enough time and not getting to do the things I wanted. And maybe I’m forgetting that I had a
wonderful time not only at the reunion, but also at a coffee shop with an old
classmate and at dinner with a former teacher and his lovely wife.
I think if I were
meant to be alone in this life, those times wouldn’t have been the highlight of
my weekend. I think very few
people are meant to be alone. I
think we all need to belong and in more than way.
First, I think all
of us need to belong to a special person, someone who is just right for
us. The teacher and his wife who
took me to dinner have been married for 46 years. When I asked their secret, as I always do with couples who
have been together for a long time, they said that they were friends. At the reunion, I was happy to see
another couple that have been married for 35 years and were together through
most of high school.
I think we also
need to belong to a healthy and loving family. This can mean parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts,
grandparents, in-laws or children.
Maybe this is why most of us have so many relatives. It gives us a lot of relationships to
choose from if some aren’t as healthy as we’d like. I’m fortunate that I have some amazing people in my family.
Beyond that, I
think we need to belong to a segment of society. This might be a club, a church, a classroom, a workplace or
a sports team. Belonging at this
level means I feel a special bond because we have a common purpose. Just being with the same people every
day doesn’t make that happen automatically. But when it does happen, it’s amazing. In my experience I have sometimes had
to create purpose and at other times I’ve seen it created almost as if by
magic. However it appears though,
it’s amazing.
Finally, I think
we need to belong to the world.
Here’s the paradox:
belonging to the world may mean I have to be alone. When I write, I have to do it
alone. But it’s my gift to the world. It’s my way of belonging, not as
a means of getting approval, but as a way to contribute my gifts.
When I offer my
talents, I belong to something far greater than myself. I belong to God who gave me the
gift. I belong to the world and to
my friends and family who will hopefully be blessed by my gift. And I belong to myself, because when I
share my gifts, I am being the person I was meant to be.
I’m not alone. I
never was. I just had to Get
Started and Keep Going.
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