Just Getting through LIfe

 

I’ve spent much of my life just getting through life. But once in a while I’ve actually accomplished something. And whenever I’ve done that I found most of my accomplishments all had something in common. First, they were, as I said, difficult. Not one of them was easy. Secondly, they usually took time, sometimes months or years. Thirdly, there were always, always, always obstacles. Fourth, I would usually have at least one major setback that made me want to quit or made me feel the goal was no longer possible. Finally, when I did reach my goal, I always felt better about myself and I could always look back on that accomplishment and know that no one could take it away from me.

            Interestingly, however, I found there were different circumstances or origins of those goals. One was simply that it came up, usually unexpectedly, but it looked like something that was fun. For example, when I was 13, I learned that there were events called “Comic Conventions” or “Comic Cons” in which hundreds of comic collectors and professionals would meet in a common place to buy, sell, and discuss comic books. Being the comic book enthusiast I was, this seemed like my idea of Heaven on Earth. Then about a year later events conspired to allow me to go to my first Comic Con in San Diego. My dad would be living in San Diego and so my parents arranged it so I could stay with him and go the 1975 San Diego Comic Con. Once this was settled, I did everything I could to earn money including babysitting and delivering newspapers. It was a magical time full of optimism and excitement and it was when I first understood the power of goals. (Also, was my father moving to San Diego, of all places in the world, serendipitous or did I somehow manifest it? If I did create that, what does that say about our potential power?

            Another reason I reached a goal was more negative than positive, but no less effective. When I was 18, I joined the California Conservation Corps because I desperately wanted to travel. I was so excited when I was called and asked if I was still interested in a job I had forgotten I had applied for months previously. But my excitement turned to fear when I realized what a rough group of kids I worked with and, more significantly, how easy it was to be fired or “terminated” as the CCC called it. As I saw people being terminated right and left, I made a decision: I would survive the training month and go on to my first assignment. I did not want the humiliation of being fired. I did not want to return home a failure. That would have been too horrible an embarrassment. The day I graduated was one of the happiest of my life.

            The third reason I set a goal was because a gauntlet was hurled. I had recently finished writing my fiftieth blog and someone challenged me to reach one hundred blogs before my next birthday (which was about two weeks later). The goal seemed fun and do-able. It was also hard. There were setbacks, like the time I realized I had miscounted and had to write one more blog. I found myself being irritable if I were in social situations instead of at home and writing. Very little else mattered except reaching 100. I reached it on my birthday. A teacher in the 9^th grade telling me I wasn’t mature enough to understand Kurt Vonnegut was another gauntlet hurled that caused me to read most of his works within the next six months.

            The fourth reason I accomplished something was almost unknowingly. I did not set a goal or have a vision. Instead I simply found myself in circumstances, not completely of my own choosing, in which I had to change. The circumstances were difficult and unwanted, but they were thrust upon me. I was like Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski in the film The Big Lebowski. Through no fault of my own circumstances intruded upon my life and peed on my rug. (See the movie if you don’t understand the reference.)  If there was a goal, it was this: get through this thing and be successful with it. Interestingly, these have been the events that changed me the most.

            I’ve learned something else about myself. I have not usually planned or set goals. As I said, I’ve just gotten through life. But sometimes something would come up – an opportunity, a challenge, or a difficulty and I rose to meet it. I would persevere and win. And I was in the moment and in the future simultaneously. That had advantages, but I’ve since realized that unless I have a goal, I’m only in the moment – not present, as Eckhart Tolle says in The Power of Now, but just in the moment with no eye to the future for myself, my kids, or my career. This is why it is important to think about the future: so we can begin to create it. Life will still happen to us, but maybe not as hard if we Get Started and Keep Going and not just get through life.