Ask

“Whenever I have knocked, a door has opened. Whenever I have wandered, a path has appeared. I have been helped, supported, encouraged and nurtured by people of all races, creeds, colors and dreams.”

Alice Walker

This isn’t the blog I was planning to write, but I need to say some things. 

I worry about you. 

Are you taking care of yourself? 

Are you getting help when and where you need it? 

How are you getting through times of little support and little money? 

What do you need? 

How will you get it?

Can I help?

Can someone help?

Can God help?

Have you asked?

As I said, I worry about you.

Sometimes it seems that we’re all alone.  We aren’t.  Someone wants to and can help.  What do we do if we can’t find that person?  It depends on the situation, but here are some ideas.  Pick what works for you.

Work.

Rest.

Pray.

Ask for prayer.

Seek counsel.

Trust your instincts.

Write.

Exercise.

Eat well.

Drink water.

Cry.

Laugh.

Eliminate as much negative from your life as possible.

Add as much positive to your life as possible.

Sing.

Practice gratitude.

Practice presence.

Go to the emergency room.

Go to the employment office.

Go to a friend.

Go to a relative.

Go to a neighbor.

Go to God.

Read something inspirational.

Be someone inspirational.

Make a plan.

Do a little something every day.

Do the hardest and/or the scariest stuff first.

Watch your thoughts.

Find a church.

Find a support group.

Admit to what doesn’t work and change it or eliminate it.

Fix it if you can.

There are probably more and better ideas, but the point is that you don’t have to do this alone.  You can Get Started and Keep Going…and if you can’t, ask for help.

Running

I should take a break.  I just finished a 600+-word essay.  Then I paid some bills.  Then I went running.  So I deserve a break.  Maybe I could watch a movie or read some comic books.  The thing is I’d rather sit in this chair, the chair I sit with my Muse in, and let her (and me) know that I am still here.  I still write.  I haven’t given this up.  I’ve slowed down a lot since I started school, but I haven’t quit.  In fact, I’m running faster even though I’ve slowed down.  I spent many hours in this chair and it feels good to be sitting here again.  It feels good to let my fingers hit the keyboard and see what happens.  It feels good to create something out of nothing, to put words and ideas on what once was a blank screen, even though I really don’t have anything to say yet.  However, I have noticed something as I pursue this Master’s degree.

I’ve noticed that I approach almost every assignment the same way I approached almost every blog – with fear and trepidation.

I’ve noticed that I often delay and procrastinate on assignments, or at least the parts that are hard to me.  I like the reading, but the writing scares me.  (Yes, that’s right.)

I’ve noticed that even when I start working that I am still easily distracted.

I’ve noticed that by noticing these things, I have more capacity to change them.

Tonight I also went running.  I think it was my sixth time.  It was hard, but not as hard as the first five times.  Towards the end I started getting a rhythm to the run.  My stiffness was gone.  I was actually sprinting a little.  I’m still not ready to run a marathon (and I don’t want to), but tonight was the first time I really started hitting a stride.  This makes me even more excited about running tomorrow. 

Maybe this is true of all activities that require self-discipline and patience.  Maybe stiffness and awkwardness are part of the process in the beginning.  Maybe we literally have to crawl and then walk and then run.  There were times in my life when I tried to sprint right away, without knowing the landscape, and I usually tripped and fell and hurt myself.  I had a job once in which I thought I was going to do great things, where I was going to go the distance.  But I didn’t know the landscape or the people on it.  I thought I was going to come in first place and get noticed, but instead I got relegated to doing laps, mostly alone. It was a painful and humiliating experience.  But being humiliated, which is bad, can lead to being humbled, which is good.  I learned that it’s better to start the race slowly, to run quietly, to run well, and then get noticed more positively.

Maybe I’ll run alone for the rest of my life.

But I won’t stop.

I’ll Get Started and Keep Going…and Keep Running.

Watch Hell Shrink Away

“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”

Anthon St. Maarten, Divine Living: The Essential Guide To Your True Destiny

“I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me.

Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;

Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.”

Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

What does one do with a setback, a disappointment, a frustration?  If you are smart and lucky, you immediately find something to do, an action to take so that the pain is not allowed to take over.  We accept what is, which is not to say we like it, but only accept the reality of it.

“I didn’t get that job.”

“He left me.”

“I’m not where I want to be in life.”

“I’m broke.”

“I didn’t get the grade I wanted.”

“I did it wrong and now I have to start over.”

Everyone has a statement like this.  Everyone has struggled with disappointments, some large, some small.  But as many philosophers have said, and I paraphrase badly, “It’s not the thing, it’s our view of the thing.”

But by having a different view, does that mean we are in denial?  No.  It means we have the power to choose our thoughts and our responses.  When we’ve done all we can to get what we want or need, and it doesn’t happen, then we choose to take productive action, or we choose despair and defeat.

None of this is new or original, but it’s okay because I’m done worrying even about that.  At least I’m taking action.  I’m governing my emotions and responses so that I can enjoy all the blessings that surround me.  In The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis says that Hell is not large, but instead very, very small, smaller than a pebble in this world, smaller than an atom in Heaven.  When we focus on disappointments, personal injustices, and regrets too much, we’re focusing on Hell.  But we’re focusing on the small things, rather than the large blessing.  Sometimes it’s a battle to do so, but I believe we are meant to live in peace and joy and love.  We’re supposed to watch Hell shrink away.

Besides, I’d rather focus on Heaven.

I’d rather focus on what is good, on the work I have to do, or the work I can create. 

I’d rather focus on my blessings.

This doesn’t invalidate my feelings about my disappointments or pain, but it doesn’t allow them to control me either. 

Right now I have so many choices – so many books to read, so many words to write, so many miles to run, so much good I can do for myself or others.

Here’s another thought:  maybe my disappointment is only a delay.  Maybe it’s all about timing.  In A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson says,

When we surrender to God, we surrender to something bigger than ourselves – to a universe that knows what it’s doing.  When we stop trying to control events, they fall into a natural order, an order that works.  We’re at rest while a power much greater than our own takes over, and it does a much better job than we could have done.  We learn to trust that the power that holds galaxies together can handle the circumstances of our relatively little lives.

When I can rest in what is, I can love more and better.  So that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to love and work and wait.  Someone said, “He who loves much does much.”  So I’m going to do all I can with the time I have. I’m going to Get Started and Keep Going.  And I’m going to watch Hell shrink away.

I Think I've Forgotten How to Write....

I think I’ve forgotten how to write.  At least it seems that way.  I can write essays and historical book critiques, but I’m not sure if I can still write blogs.  I had no idea that this would happen.  When I signed up for school I had no idea how much it would take away from other parts of my life.  But maybe, just maybe, I needed the focus.  Maybe the blogs stopped going anywhere.  Maybe my life stopped, too.  It’s hard to say.  Those who pursue Purpose must deal not only with the hills and valleys, but the plains, the flat, dry, barren plains.  Plains can have their own simple, quiet beauty and life can’t be all hills and valleys or we’d get exhausted.  The plain times are necessary.  Maybe they help us assess.  Maybe the plain times motivate us to say, “I need something new, something more scenic and challenging.”

Sometimes while going on long drives I would go through small towns and fantasize what it would be like to live there.  I imagined living quietly, keeping to myself, and reading and writing.  Then, after I started writing, I realized that my fantasy was a form of escape and what I really need was not to hide, but to fully engage in life, to take chances, to follow my heart, and to keep going even when it was hard.  I didn’t mind the hard because I was finally on the right path. Writing showed me that I didn’t have to hide or be a hermit in some small town.  Life was waiting.  And I engaged in it.  At times it was like climbing a mountain, writing day after day.

But after awhile I found myself on a plain again.   Or maybe it was a valley.  But suddenly, without warning, I was descending another mountain, one I’m still on.  This mountain seems far more difficult.  Before, with my blogs, I was accountable to myself.  Self-accountability is no small thing.  Most people can’t do it.  But now I’m accountable to others.  There are usually 200-400 pages of reading per week.  There is also a lot of writing, academic writing, which I’m still learning.  The deadlines are real and intense and not at all within my control.  And I couldn’t have done this without all the writing I had done before.  One mountain led to another.

So the truth is I haven’t forgotten how to write.  It was just time to climb a different mountain.

I Don't Have To...I Have To...

I don’t have to write tonight.   In fact, I don’t have to do anything.  Work is over for the day.  I’m on a break from school.  There’s no one or nothing that needs my attention.  So I don’t have to do anything.  Then why am I writing?

Because I have to.

I don’t mean “have to” as in constraint or obligation.  “Have to” means that if I don’t do it, I will feel that I missed an opportunity to meet with God and my Muse and my best self.  Interestingly, as I began writing, I suddenly got very tired.  And maybe I really am tired.  Maybe a quick nap wouldn’t anything, but the timing of my fatigue is curious.  (I took a quick nap.)

Why do I “have to” do this if my body is tired and I have a rare moment to relax?  I “have to” do it for the following reasons:

·      It’s fun.

·      It’s healing.

·      I’ve made a goal to reach blog #1,000 by the end of the year, which means I shouldn’t waste time.

·      I like the feeling I get when I have created something out of nothing.

·      I like the feeling I get when I’m sitting alone with my Muse.

·      Writing, like all worthwhile accomplishment, increases my self-esteem.

·      It’s exciting to see what will come on a blank page.

·      The more I work, the less I fear the opinions of others.

·      The more I work, the greater potential legacy I leave.

·      I’m trying to model the importance of being in Purpose.

·      I’m letting my Muse know that she’s my priority.

·      This is good practice.

·      If Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000-hour rule is true, then I’m getting closer.

·      Why not?

·      I like to Get Started and Keep Going.

There might be more reasons and better ones, but the most important one for me is that this is a serious commitment for me.  It’s not a game or a fantasy.  It’s not a hobby. Yes, school has kept me busy as have other life commitments, but I always find my way back here.  Writing is one of the reasons I’m here on this planet. 

What’s your reason?