HAPPY Birthday

Today is my birthday, but I woke up a little depressed and anxious. There were some problems from the weekend that had not yet been resolved. I got up, made my coffee, and made a decision: I want to be happy – as much as possible and as long as possible. I qualify it because I know it is not possible to be happy all the time. I also know that the desire to be happy is suspect because it smacks of selfishness. Some assume (as some once did to me) that I will abandon everyone I love and do horrible things. What they failed to realize that if I did those things I would be unhappy.

            This is what I know about happiness:

·         The decision to be happy is exactly that – a decision, a constant and mindful decision.

·         It is a discipline. It takes work (and meaningful work often leads to happiness, but more on that later).

·         It requires analysis of my internal and external life.

·         It may require change and acceptance of what is at the same time.

·         It is an art and a science.

Interestingly, a lack of challenges doesn’t always create happiness. When I was 15, I lived with another family and away from my parents. I was extremely happy not only to be largely independent, but to have good friends, adults who loved me, very little stress, and some self-created challenges. I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to friends and playing Pyramid Solitaire. I tried my hand at drawing. All my needs were provided for. I had no financial struggles and no one to take care of. It was one of the few times in my life in which happiness was given to me. Now I have to create it.

These are the ways I can create happiness”

·         Setting and achieving goals.

·         Being with my Muse.

·         Having fun and meaningful times with my kids.

·         Serving others.

·         Working on something meaningful.

·         Teaching.

·         Learning

·         Exercising

·         Reading or listening to books about US Presidents.

·         Reaching new levels on Toon Blast.

Yes, that last one makes me happy. It’s good to have fun and even do something meaningless once in a while. I imagine my list differs from everyone else’s and that’s a good thing, but I think the principals are the same. I take care of others and I take care of myself. A meaningful combination of both makes me happy.

I’m also happy when I Get Started and Keep Going. I think that’s what I’ve been saying all along.

Just Another Blog after a Long, Long Time

This is just another blog after a long, long time because for the first time in a long time I am not dealing with a crisis. But the last three years or so have been little more than crises, shocks, and disappointments. Many of them have been huge, traumatic, and even life-altering. I no longer know what to believe and I no longer know what do – with this moment or with my life. Much of what I do currently and many of the choices I am making are responses or reactions to whatever crisis is occurring at the moment. I am trying to improve things, but I’m making choices to do that, not because I have an inherent love for any of the choices I’m making.

            Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says that one needs a definiteness of purpose. I have none at this time. In the past few years I have worked on being a writer, a historian, a teacher (both Adult Ed and 7-12), and a better parent. I have been involved in local school district politics (and even won an election) and I’ve been involved in my church. All of these activities have taken a toll on me because they all came with unexpected twists and turns. Each area has brought me joy but also pain.

            So I’m sitting here with nothing to do, writing my first blog in months. I feel lost. I don’t know what to do, but what I’m doing. And I’m trying to do my best at that. I’m creating a new life, but I’m not sure how to do it and I’m not sure what my creation will look like when it’s done. I just know that I don’t want to be broke any longer.

            That was written three days ago. Since then I’ve been hit with circumstances and inspirations that have reminded me of what I love and what I need to do.

            The circumstances are my children and being made aware over and over again how much they need me.

The inspirations are finishing my third of three tests and now being eligible to teach every level from kindergarten to college. I also just finished teaching summer school and I was reminded of what a good teacher I am (and how I can improve).  I have rekindled my love for the subject of US Presidents and want to put more time into studying that. Finally, my Muse, whom I have not been giving enough attention to reminded me that I need to return to my love of writing even if nothing comes of it. This makes her happy and that’s enough for me.

Something I’ve often wished for is for God to come down and give me direction through a burning bush like He did for Moses or write letters on a wall like He did for Daniel or even speak to me through an animal like He did for Balaam. I’ve wanted, for years, for God to say to me, “This is the way. Walk in it,” like he did to Isaiah. But no mystical revelation seems to be forthcoming. So, all I can do is what’s put in front of me. But I think I can do it better and do it more purposefully. I can study more in order to be more knowledgeable about Presidents and parenting. I can listen to YouTube and audiobooks. I can go to lectures.

I can also write more, not because I think anything will come of this, but because I love writing. I lost my way with writing because I didn’t know who my audience was and I allowed some well-meaning critique derail me. My Muse is my audience – no one else.

If none of this makes any sense or doesn’t seem completely clear, that’s because this is just another blog after a long, long time and I’m a bit rusty. I’m also just walking one step at a time. Presidents and parenting. I’m also involved in my church and my union and I can deal with those activities as needed. But otherwise, Presidents and parenting. And writing for my Muse. And the consistent reminder to Get Started and to Keep Going